Steve Parr

When a Church Service Takes a Turn for the Worse

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Have you ever read “The Coffee Shop That Changed a Church?” It is a book that I wrote that was published in 2014. It is the story of a young pastor in his first church and the struggles he has moving his church forward. I wanted to share one of my favorite chapters this week. The book is available in all formats and I hope that you will check it out if you have never read. You will be encouraged. For today, enjoy this excerpt from the chapter entitled: Ode to Tammy.

 

Chapter Thirty-Two

Ode to Tammy

 

Sunday, March 2nd

Mitch felt like a celebrity walking in public as he made his way from his office to the worship center for the forthcoming service. However, it was not his autograph that people were seeking. He was excited about his message, as he planned to begin a series today to equip the congregation to share their faith and had settled on the theme of “I Witness” for the five Sunday mornings in March. That is, if he ever made it to the worship center. Seven or eight people surrounded him, seeking answers to questions or simply wanting his attention. The clamoring seemed unusually high compared to most Sundays. Just a coincidence, I suppose, or maybe it’s this new cologne that the commercials suggest make a man irresistible.

“Pastor, can you play a song for my husband again this year?” It was Mrs. Hudson. She had wedged her way between a little girl and two other ladies that all seemed to be trying to talk to Mitch at the same time.

“I don’t know if we can play a cassette, Mrs. Hudson,” Mitch said as he reached out and took it from her hand. Mrs. Hudson lost her husband the year before Mitch was called as pastor, and she always requested a tribute song in his memory on the week of the anniversary of his passing. Deference was given to her request because Mr. Hudson had served as the music director for many years. Mitch was sympathetic but felt pressed for time. Fortunately, he saw Darlene Flynn, who now led the music each week, exiting the choir room. “Darlene,” Mitch said over the buzz of the small crowd in the hallway. “Can we still play cassettes on our system?”

“Sure, we can do that. What do you need?”

“Mrs. Hudson requested we play a memorial song again this year in honor of her husband.”

“Actually, Joy West was supposed to sing the special music today, but she’s sick. How about if we play it while the offering is being received?”

“That’s fine. You take care of it.” Mitch looked at the cassette to catch the name of the song. It was not marked, so he assumed it would be Beulah Land, just like last year. He hoped it was not Precious Memories as she had requested the first year. That was much too somber and had made the time of worship feel like a funeral service.

“My grandson made sure it was already cued up,” Mrs. Hudson said to Darlene as she took the cassette and headed to the worship center to make the adjustments to the order of service.

Mitch made it into the worship service just in time to go to the platform to make the church announcements before the service began. At least there had been no crisis situations or distractions to take his attention away from his message; it was just one of those days where several people happened to converge on him at once.

He was very excited about his message and the potential impact of getting more members committed to personally sharing their faith. The congregation seemed to be singing with a bit more enthusiasm today, and the service was made to order as it set the stage for his message.

He called the ushers forward to receive the morning offering. “This morning before we pray for our tithes and offerings, I want us to remember Mrs. Hudson on the anniversary of the death of Mr. Hudson three years ago. I did not know him personally, but I know that he was well-beloved by this congregation and faithfully served as music director in addition to many other leadership roles for many years. We thank God for his faithfulness, his testimony, and the knowledge that he is in a better place, serving in the presence of the Father. As the offering is received, we will prayerfully reflect as we listen to one of his favorite songs. Tim, would you lead our offertory prayer?”

Mitch quietly stepped down from the platform and sat next to Melinda on the front row as Tim prayed. He bowed his head and began to pray his own prayer, seeking God’s blessing on all he was about to share. God, let your words shine forth through me with clarity and conviction that your people might faithfully carry forth your gospel into this community.

“Amen,” Tim said as he concluded the offertory prayer and the ushers turned with offering plates in hand to pass throughout the congregation. The service was packed, in stark contrast to the snowy day only three weeks before. Thankfully no snow this week, Mitch was thinking. Thank goodness it’s not “Precious Memories” again was his next thought. At least Beulah Land has a little pep to it. It was not Mitch’s preferred song, but it was at least tolerable. Wait, it’s not “Beulah Land” either….  It was evidently going to be a Southern Gospel favorite or something with a country flavor, Mitch could tell, as the guitars twanged the opening bars of the song. He kept his head bowed to affirm the dignity of such a moment as this. These types of spontaneous moments were what made small congregations special, and he was glad that he could oblige Mrs. Hudson. He also knew it would give him credibility with many of the older members.

A very pretty country voice kicked in the opening lyrics. “Sometimes it’s hard to be a wu-maaan,” the song began. Huh? “Givin’ all your luv to just one ma-an.” Is that Tammy Wynette? “You’ll have ba-ad times, and he’ll have good times.” Mitch’s eyes opened as he recognized the number one country song of all time that was being played just before his sermon. “Doing thangs that you don’t under-sta-and.” Oh no! Mitch looked over at Melinda. Their eyes met in looks of disbelief as the recorded voice belted out one of the most famous lines in country music history. “Stand by your man. Give him two arms to cli-iing too, and sumthin’ warm to come to, when nights are cold and lonely. Stand by your man…”

This cannot be happening. Some smart alec near the back shouted, “Amen.” Melinda looked at Mitch and grinned.

“Stand by your ma-an, and show tha world you lu-uv him…” Melinda’s grin turned to a quiet giggle. Mitch was trying not to laugh. Within seconds, Melinda was giggling uncontrollably. From the back, they may have assumed she was sobbing, but she was on the edge of losing it and suddenly bolted for the door so that she would not laugh out loud. Thankfully she was not still on crutches, or she would not have made it out. As she dashed out the door next to the piano, the song came to its crescendo. “Keep givin’ all the luv you caaaaaaaan. Stand by yower maaaaaaan!” More amens were heard. Smart alecs!

Mitch stood and made his way to the platform, going as slowly as he could, trying to figure out how he could possibly segue from the song to his message. He turned and saw Mrs. Hudson wiping tears from her eyes. “Mrs. Hudson, that was a beautiful song,” he began. I might as well just go with it, he thought. “And you were faithful and did stand by him through all of your years together. We wish he was still with us, but we are thankful that we know he’s with the Lord. Let me ask all of you. Isn’t that what we want to be able to say about any of those we love who precede us into eternity? How do we stand by those we hold most dear?” Somehow he managed to transition from that point to his opening illustration. By God’s grace he rescued the message–and had a story that he would repeat dozens of times to other pastors in the years to come. Melinda did make it quietly back into the service. She knew how important it was to stand by her man, whether or not she was reminded to do so by Tammy Wynette.

Choosing to Change

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I have an exercise for you. I want you to take a trip on the way home this evening to the local “Blockbuster” Video Store. Check out the new releases on video and tell me which your favorite is. To expedite the process, go ahead and do this mentally. Get in your car and imagine every turn right up until you walk through the front door. [Pause here to take your mental journey.]

How is it going so far? Oh! There is no Blockbuster Video in your community. Hmmmmm. But they were the dominate video rental franchise in this region for almost two decades. What happened? Red Box. Netflix. On-Demand. What happened to Blockbuster? They did not change. Actually they did change “some.” They converted from video to DVD but they did not look ahead and got outflanked by the competition. If someone wants a job at Blockbuster now they will be hard pressed to find an opportunity.

How do you feel about change? I like to say that I like change so long as I agree with it! The reality is that change is a constant reality. What worked in the past does not always work in the present and what works in the present will not likely work in the future. You don’t believe me? Ask an former employee from Blockbuster. The same is true in the church. The same is true for any ministry or organization in today’s ever changing climate.  Change is not a possibility or an option. Change is now a constant reality. Failure to grasp this reality can have devastating effects.

Listen to John G. Millers observations on this subject: “Organizations need to move forward rather than looking back. In other words, to change…and the key to that is changing the way we think. Rather than being held back by rigid thinking and resistance to change, outstanding organizations recognize that change is going to happen anyway, whether people like it or not. Given the organic, constant, and inevitable nature of change, how could we think that what works today will work tomorrow? The reality is, if a strategy or tactic is working now, the odds are high that it won’t work in the future. There is just too much change taking place in our world for it to be any other way.”

He concludes with this: “Simply put, outstanding organizations take charge of change by changing themselves first. For they know that, otherwise, change will happen to them – and if that happens, it might just be too late.”

Great words of wisdom for those who want to maximize their leadership!

Do Your Leaders Know The Expectations?

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I am often asked about expectations for Bible study leaders in churches. While I am addressing expectations of volunteer leaders in churches, the principles apply to any organization or role where you are seeking to maximize effectiveness. The Apostle Paul wrote out expectations for deacons and pastors in 1 Timothy 3.  He proposed that there were minimum standards of conduct and character that should be expected of key church leaders.  The office of the small group leader or the Sunday School teacher were not part of the church landscape at that point in history.  However, the principle of standards for key church leaders was established and still applies today.

Which of the following scenarios is most likely to provide the best quality of leadership and the best results?  In the first instance, a nominating committee or staff member enlists a teacher to lead a group and provides them with the date, place, and information about the group with little or no additional orientation or training.  In the second instance, a leader directly enlists someone to serve under his or her leadership providing a basic list of expectations including a commitment to participate in an orientation session and regular training throughout the year.  Assuming that both prospective teachers accept the invitation, who do you suppose will be most effective?  You may think that it is harder to enlist a leader if you establish expectations.  In the short term it can be difficult, but in the long term the culture adjusts and the results are greater. Having expectations of Bible study leaders is “no big deal” in churches that have been doing so over a period of time.

How do you introduce and implement expectations if Bible study leaders have been enlisted without written standards in the past?  Begin by enlisting a team to develop written ministry descriptions for Bible study leaders.  Be sure to include training expectations in the descriptions, but do not construct a list containing too many points.  Identify minimal expectations with a list of five or six points at the most.  These can be expanded in later years as expectations are raised.  Once completed, present these to the leaders as general guidelines.  The leaders do not need to sign these at this point.  Give these guidelines to future leaders upon enlistment from this point forward.  Transition the heading for the general guidelines to leadership commitments the following year.  The leaders make a verbal commitment to serve by these standards as they are enlisted.  In later years you may choose to transition from leadership commitment to leadership covenants where leaders sign a commitment to serve by the written standards.  At this point the leaders are absolutely committed to participate in the equipping plan as proposed in the covenant.

The level of comfort varies from church to church in relation to how far to go in implementation of commitments and covenants.  Having no written guidelines or descriptions is a recipe for low expectations and low results.  Implement the general guidelines at a minimum.  .

Implementing expectations is a challenge.  Thom Rainer made the following observation in his study of effective churches.  He notes: “In our interviews with the leaders of the higher-assimilation churches, we asked if their moving of Bible study groups to become high-expectation organizations had caused any problems.  Their answers were an unequivocal ‘yes.’  Some teachers and leaders refused to agree to stricter requirements and dropped out of ministry and service.  Others resisted, implying that high-expectations hinted of legalism.  Never did we hear that the expectation issue was addressed with ease.  But in virtually every case, the pastor or staff member told us that the pain was worth the gains realized.”

Two more notes that I want to place on the table at this point.  The first is to those of you who are Bible study teachers.  Please do not resist the implementation of standards when suggested by your leaders.  It is not an insult to you but an effort to insure better quality of leadership in the future.  It is certainly acceptable to work with your leaders to determine reasonable standards, but to suggest that there should be none at all is a detriment to the church and ministry that you love.  The other note is to pastors and leaders.  Seek God’s wisdom in the pace of implementation.  You will have a catastrophe if you try to move from no expectations to signed covenants in thirty days.  Take it one step at a time.  Move forward, but do not move too fast.  This is another way to maximize your leadership.

This blog was adapted from p. 99-101 of my book, Sunday School That Really Works.

Make the Right Impression

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The way you represent your organization is very important. Please take time to read this post I recently sent to our staff and apply what I share with your organization.

“9-1-1. Hold please.”
“Excuse me?”
“This is the 9-1-1 operator and I have other calls would you please hold?”
“I’ve got an emergency”
“Do you think you’re the only one. Hold tight and I get back to you when I can.”

That is not the conversation you want to have when you dial 9-1-1. Is it likely to happen? Probably not. However, when you talk on the phone or in person to representatives of a business, an organization, or a church, nothing is more frustrating than to be talked down to, patronized, belittled, or treated as if they have more important things to do. Here is the challenge. Whenever you speak to someone outside of the Georgia Baptist Mission Board (Offices), the person you are speaking with or the audience you are speaking in front of sees you as “the Georgia Baptist Mission Board.” If you are courteous, they see the whole ministry as courteous.” If you are rude, they see whole ministry as rude. If you are interesting in your presentation, they see the Mission Board as an organization of skilled presenters. If you make a boring presentation, they see Mission Board as irrelevant. Does that make sense? People often base their total view of “the Georgia Baptist Mission Board” on their phone conversation with you…or the sermon you preach… or the wisdom you share in a consultation.

On one hand, that is a lot of pressure. On the other hand, that is a great opportunity. Rod Blunck says “Courtesy is free; extending pleasant words costs us nothing. So why not freely give it away?” Here is the bottom line; Your tone matters when you speak. You are an ambassador for Jesus Christ first and foremost. Be respectful, responsive, engaging, encouraging, prepared, flexible. You have experienced it on the other side. Perhaps you have been turned off by a business because of the way you were treated. On the other hand a business may have made a mistake, but handled it so graciously that you are a devoted customer. Set the right tone whenever you speak as an employee of the Georgia Baptist Mission Board. While it is technically true that the Georgia Baptist Mission Board is actually a partnership of churches, most people get their impression and draw their conclusions about us based on interactions that they have with us. I pray that we will interact with church leaders and members in such a way that they consider the Georgia Baptist Mission Board to be “Outstanding.”

How to Quit!

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“When you come to a fork in the road, take it!” That is one of many memorable quotes by the infamous Yogi Berra. Life will bring you to many forks in the road at which point you must decide whether to go to the left or bear to the right. Sometimes the decision is whether to continue or whether to quit. Whether at work or in a volunteer role such as service in a local church, the time for decision will ultimately confront you and you must determine whether or not to quit. Leaders understand that the way you choose to quit can be equally as important as the decision to quit. How do leaders quit?

First, leaders do not walk away without notice. They take responsibility for the transition and go to great pains to make sure bases are covered even after they are gone and have no further obligation or responsibility. Therefore, they never walk away without giving their leader, supervisor, or organization ample notice to cover all bases and to begin steps for transitioning to new leadership. I have known leaders to resign on the spot or to announce they are walking out the door and won’t be back. This approach is particularly difficult for the leader who has been mistreated or gone through a difficult experience. But when leaders take the fork in the road, they seek to take the high road on the way out.

Second, leaders do not quit without honestly seeking to resolve personal disputes. People do disagree and there are always two sides to every story. Perhaps the circumstance is irreconcilable. However, for the spiritual leader, it will not be the result of lack of humility, lack of effort, or a genuine attempt to make things right even if he or she knows they will be moving on to other areas or places of service. The reconciliation may be attempted immediately or sometime later after a season to allow things to cool off. No one is served by holding a grudge and the spiritual leader seeks to “be at peace with all men.”

Third, leaders do not quit without a plan to serve elsewhere. I am not talking about retirement at this point. More specifically, I see this often happen with volunteers. For example, in the life of the church, I have seen Bible Study leaders quit with no new place to serve. To make matters worse, I have occasionally known some who dropped out of church altogether. Here is the problem. They undermine everything they have taught their followers about commitment and obedience while they were leading the Bible Studies. In reality, spiritual leaders never quit. They simply move from one opportunity to another but you never find them quitting with no new goal, challenge, or task in mind.

Whether at work or in a volunteer role, everyone will quit eventually, and most often with good reason. Don’t just think about whether to quit but how to quit. Be cautious not to undermine your influence and leadership by quitting the wrong way. Otherwise you will fail to maximize your leadership.

Is it possible to be effective but not visible to the public?

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I love football season!!! I cannot tell you when it began but I have loved the game of football as long as I can remember. I loved playing when I was younger and can boast that I lined up against George Rogers who went on to be the Heisman Trophy Winner while playing for the University of South Carolina and later a first round selection for the NFL. When I played against him in High School I can honestly report to you that he gained only 35 yards against us while I was on defense…. on that particular play. He would have gained more but his cleats got stuck in my chest.

To give some perspective to the majority of us who have Georgia ties, George Rogers is the Herschel Walker of the University of South Carolina.  You may or may not know who he is but he is the equivalent of the hall of fame type star that plays or played for your favorite team. I must confess however that I do not know who played left guard or right guard as he piled up record yards while in college. I do not remember who played center or the left tackle position when he was rolling for the New Orleans Saints as a pro. But I do know this. He would not have gained a yard had it not been for those somewhat anonymous linemen. This is a good reminder. Whenever someone succeeds it is because he or she is supported by quality people within the organization. Many of these people are not visible to the public. The Running Back (or Quarterback) may get more attention in the public than the lineman but neither can accomplish anything without the other.

What is your job? What are your responsibilities? In the ministry where I serve, we have only one Executive Director and we are truly blessed. Many of our employees will never be featured on our website, called upon to address pastors, have a fancy title, or be assigned a big office….but the ministry we have cannot function without the service they provide day in and day out. If they don’t block and tackle well, the Executive Director will never be able to lead the team down the field and across the goal line. Every player counts.  Every position matters. Every person makes a difference whether visible to the public or working behind the scenes. When everyone understands this concept, their leadership is maximized!

Adapted from Chapter Twenty-Seven of John G. Miller’s Outstanding; 47 Ways to Make Your Organization Exceptional

“…and why others strayed”

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What are the top reasons young adults who grew up in church have stopped attending? I hope you are already familiar with the work Tom Crites and I did in our study of young adults who grew up in church and have remained actively involved into their adult lives. The book is “Why They Stay” and it is making a great impact.

Many of the respondents in our study had actually dropped out of church. While that is not the best of news, it was helpful for Tom and I to contrast the attitudes and experiences of those who had stayed active compared with those who strayed. The final question in the survey asked the participants to share in their own words why they had either remained active or why they had stopped attending. We share the top ten “self-described” reasons for remaining faithful as well as for those who dropped out in the closing chapters. I thought it would be instructive to you as a church leader to hear from those who strayed as they share why they left. Here are the top ten reason ranked in order of prevalence with no commentary. You judge for yourself and ask how you might respond to those who have left and prevent those who are still faithful from the same experiences.

Reason Number One:
 
I had a bad church experience.
 
Reason Number Two:
 
I have intellectual doubts regarding faith.
 
Reason Number Three:
 
I relocated and have not found a new church.
 
Reason Number Four:
 
I cannot find a good church.
 
Reason Number Five:
 
Church services conflict with my work obligations.
 
Reason Number Six:
 
My own fault/struggles/issues/too busy.
 
Reason Number Seven:
 
I have small children and it is too difficult.
 
Reason Number Eight:
 
I feel stronger on my own. Church is not necessary.
 
Reason Number Nine:
 
I am actively looking now and just have not connected yet.
 
Reason Number Ten:
 
Apathy or admitted laziness.

There you have ten reasons, ten sermons, ten leadership points, ten excuses, or ten discussion topics for teens, young adults, or Bible study groups.  Learn more at www.whytheystay.com or at www.steveparr.net. I don’t know about you but I want to do all I can to give students and young adults good reasons to “stay.”

Stand Behind Your Stuff

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I sure do like having a DVR (Digital Video Recorder). We have come a long way since my teen years when we had four or five channels to choose from and I was the remote control. J Back in those days, if you missed a show…too bad.  Perhaps you could catch a re-run in the summer.  Now we set the DVR to season pass and our favorite series are recorded and waiting on us. It does not matter if I am late or even if I am not at home at all. To top it off, we can fast forward through the commercials. Recently my DVR had a problem and it was not properly recording our shows. It was disappointing to sit down in anticipation of watching something that was supposed be recorded and getting nothing but a blank screen. My wife’s bad language was really embarrassing when this happened. Now that is a joke because she is actually a sweetie. Now I am no tech or mechanical guru but the problem was obvious to me.  Our DVR was defective in some way and needed to be repaired or replaced.

 

I called our satellite provider and had no doubt they would take care of it quickly. Wrong! First, I was kept on the phone for about an hour as I followed the instructions of the (no) customer service rep as I was guided through steps that I had already taken (as I explained to the rep).  I knew what the problem was and was confident it needed to be repaired, by them, or replaced. I was treated like a child or as if I did not have a clue (insert your snide comment here….______________________________). The customer service rep treated me as if I had done something wrong, as if I didn’t know what I was talking about, and as if the problem was my fault somehow. Finally, I convinced them to send out a technician and two days later he diagnosed and resolved our problem. “You need a new DVR” he said. “This one is defective.” No kidding!  I knew that from the outset.

 

A quick contrast.  My middle daughter worked for a popular clothing store. She was instructed that when someone returns an item, accept it and replace it or refund it with no questions asked. Simply trust the customer and make them happy (meet their need).  They stand behind their products totally. Wow! Did I mention that they are a “popular” clothing store.

 

Which of these two organizations would you consider to be “outstanding” in their service?

 

 

How about you?

How You Can Propel Your Influence

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Vine, Flickr, VK, Instagram, YouTube, Google+, Pinterest, LinkedIn, Twitter, Facebook. Those represent the current leaders in social networking options. How many of these had you even heard of a decade ago? Likely, none of them. Which sites will be in the top ten five years from now? Who knows? Many who are reading this recall the time when you had never heard of the internet, had no cell phone and limited calls from your home or business to avoid long distance charges. Times have changed indeed.

I overheard some leaders this past week boasting of the fact that they do not participate in any social media interactions. While they take pride in their disconnection, they are ignoring a fact that is severely limiting their leadership or to think of it another way, limiting their influence. Let me acknowledge that I am not the most tech savvy person. However, I do desire to be relevant. Do not think my desire is born of any seed of narcissism. The root of my motive is the fact that I believe in the gospel and do not want any unnecessary impediments to my ability to communicate the message. Here is the problem with a leader who socially disconnects, even when done electronically. Many younger adults and teens interpret that disconnection as incompetence and/or irrelevance. Social media is now sown into the fabric of our current culture and ignoring that fact does not expand your influence. On the contrary, your influence is limited and therefore so is your witness for the gospel.

I will admit that I struggle with the degree to which I should engage with social media and about a year ago stepped back and got much more strategic. I do not utilize every source but have personally determined to tap into the more common sources to have a presence in the electronic world. The result? I am ministering to people who are several states away including someone in Michigan last week. I had opportunity to share my faith a few days ago with someone via social media. Perhaps you are wrestling with how or whether to engage, if like me, you grew up in simpler times. My advice: keep wrestling and engage with social media on some level. Like most things in life, social media can be used for evil or for good. I choose to use it for good. I believe that is relevant to the life of anyone who desires to maximize their influence.

Are You Leading or Managing?

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Perhaps you have heard the idea that “management is doing things right, but leadership is doing the right things.” Or likewise you may have heard that “Managers manage tasks, but leaders lead people.” I have been a student of leadership all of my adult life. Leadership development is a journey and I am constantly seeking ways to sharpen my skills so that I can maximize my influence. “Leadership” and “Management” are often contrasted as you study the subject of leadership and frankly management is always viewed as the inferior skill. John G. Miller challenges that notion. He points out that good management of people day in and day out is what makes an organization outstanding. He makes his point with no less respect to the value of leadership but views leadership and management as equally important.

For example he points out the way that people describe a good supervisor:

My boss communicates clearly what I should do.

He talks with me and listens to me.

When I get it right, she praises me.

He tells me when I am off track.

I was trained and coached.

She spends time with me.

He shows me respect.

These affirmations are all items that effective managers do day in and day out. If you have responsibility over staff, volunteers, or tasks then you are in a perfect position to strengthen the organization and ministry that you lead. Therefore, regardless of your title, regardless of your level of leadership, learn to manage your responsibilities well and you will ultimately be praised for maximizing your leadership.

Adapted from Chapter Twenty-Five of John G. Miller’s Outstanding; 47 Ways to Make Your Organization Exceptional.