Equipping

You have likely noticed that changing churches in North America have become commonplace for Christian families. Many of the reasons are legitimate such as relocation to a new community. Obviously a family should seek a new place to worship and serve if they are compelled to move away from a former church. Sometimes the reasons are not so legitimate, such as not liking the music. However, the point of this article is not to judge whether changing churches or the reasons are good or bad, legitimate or illegitimate. I want to address what any Christian should do before leaving any church for any reason. Here we go:

1. Have a conversation with your pastor. This is so important. I will say to pastors at this point that when this conversation occurs, you should never plead with the one who is leaving to stay. I wrote an article on this recently called “Leaders Never Beg.” I want to say to the member who is leaving that the tone of this conversation should be marked by the following characteristics; Christ-like, humble, honest, appreciative, and genuine about the reason for your departure. “We are moving to another city.” That makes sense and your pastor will want to encourage you as you prepare to move. “The Lord is leading us somewhere else.” Is that right? Be honest. If something is bothering you, your pastor needs to know. Here is why. Suppose seven families leave in the course of six months. Further, suppose that five of them leave for the same reason. The pastor may pick up on a pattern that needs to be addressed. In business, this is referred to as an exit interview. If you are departing, you need to take this initiative. Meet with your pastor personally before you leave no matter the reason for your departure. Render to all what is due them: tax to whom tax is due; custom to whom custom; fear to whom fear; honor to whom honor. [Romans 13:7 HCSB]
2. Seek reconciliation for any offense given or received. Are you upset with someone? Is someone upset with you? It happens. The church consists of people and where there are people there are opinions, personalities, decisions, mistakes, and often hurt feelings. It can happen to anyone. The Bible tells you what to do before you ever worship at another church. So if you are offering your gift on the altar, and there you remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled with your brother, and then come and offer your gift. [Matt. 5:23-24 HCSB] You may or may not get a resolution. You may still choose to leave no matter the outcome. But you do have a responsibility according to God’s word to do all you can to leave on the right terms with those who have offended you or those whom you have offended. I will add one other note on this point: The absence of a resolution does not absolve you of your responsibility and the privilege of worship and service in the context of a local body of believers. Don’t drop out. Their errors are not God’s fault. 3. Completely fulfill ministry commitments. I have known Bible study leaders who resigned one Sunday and were gone the next. I have known deacons who left in the middle of a three year term (commitment). I have known church leaders who did not show up to fulfill obligations without making appropriate arrangements to fill the gap in their absence. Your decision to change churches does not absolve you of commitments that you made. You may mutually agree with leaders that it is best to step aside immediately or very soon, but the key here is “mutually agree.” When possible you should completely fulfill your commitment. When you cannot, you should give substantial notice and insure that your responsibilities are not left uncovered because they are “yours.” A decision to change churches on your part does not constitute an automatic release from your commitments. When you make a vow to God, don’t delay fulfilling it, because He does not delight in fools. Fulfill what you vow. Better that you do not vow than that you vow and not fulfill it. [Ecclesiastes 5:4-5 HCSB]
3. Completely fulfill pledges. Have you made a financial pledge? The key here is the word “pledge.” You are the one that made it. You are the one responsible for fulfilling it. I appreciate that my opinion on this may not sit well with some people. Forget my opinion. Here is what the scripture says: But let your word ‘yes’ be ‘yes,’ and your ‘no’ be ‘no.’ Anything more than this is from the evil one. [Matthew 5:37] When you leave do not fail to fulfill your pledges even after you leave. I will add another personal note at this point. I sometimes do not like what is happening in my church. But I never withhold the Lord’s money from ministries in my church and the missions’ support that flows from it because of the decisions of any individual, group, or leader. My money belongs to the Lord and I do not use His money as a weapon or to make a point when I am at odds with church decisions.
4. Continue to exemplify what it means to love God with all of your heart, mind, soul, and strength. Sometimes people go to a new church and back up on their level of commitment and service. Surprisingly, some people stop going to church altogether. Jesus was asked which of the commandments was most important. Do you remember the first and most important one? “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind. [Matthew 22:27] Those words from the Lord Jesus do not change when or if you decide to change churches and is certainly inconsistent with dropping out altogether. Don’t back up on your faith. Press forward with all that you’ve got. After all, Jesus is worthy of your best. Right?

You may need to change churches now or at some point down the road. Hopefully you can invest and serve through a local body of believers for years and years to come. But….if you must leave….don’t forget these five things that every Christian should do before they change churches. That will maximize your leadership!

Last week I wrote about “What every Christian should do before changing churches.” I wrote an article one year ago looking at the same issue from the perspective of how church leaders should respond to the loss of any member. Here is what I shared:

Every church experiences the loss of members. Not every loss is a bad reflection on the church or its leadership. Sometimes people move out of the community and can no longer feasibly continue to be an active participant in the former church. Sometimes people are disgruntled and quite frankly were inclined to create problems rather than resolve them. No one generally regrets the loss of trouble makers. Some people who leave have not been involved in years or never really plugged in to begin with. And then of course there is the loss of those who go on into eternity.

While the loss of some members can simply be a reflection of the normal course of life, like the death of a senior saint, losses can also be detrimental. What happens when the number of people leaving are outpacing the number of new people being reached? What about those that have been lost because of failure on the part of the current leadership to provide ministry in times of need? How about those who drift away because of hurt, whether real or perceived, because of broken or damaged relationships? You can easily overlook losses when the church is growing. But should you? If you ignore the losses of members, you are missing an opportunity for personal growth and a pathway to more effective leadership and ministry. I want to propose that five things should always be true when a family or member leaves your church:

1. A leader of the church engages in a conversation with every member or head of family who leaves to determine the bottom line for why they are departing.
2. In the event that someone has been wronged, or perceives they have been wronged, the leadership proactively seeks reconciliation, not based on whether they will return or not, but based on biblical responsibility.
3. Someone in the church has responsibility for tracking who engaged in the conversation, when it happened, what the bottom line reasoning for the departure was, and documents any response from the church when and if applicable.
4. Every three to four months (minimum), the pastor along with key leaders examines the documentation to determine if there are identifiable patterns. For example: Six of nine families left because of concerns or problems related to the preschool ministry. That is a pattern. Some action is needed to prevent other families from the same experiences. Another example: Three of the twelve families that left in the last few months were put off by the political comments of a Bible Study leader. All three couples were in the same group. Is there a problem here? Maybe and maybe not, but it is worth considering.

Some people seem to live disgruntled lives and cannot be satisfied. Others are looking to be served rather than to serve and move from church to church. But, when you lose committed members who have not left the community, you would do well to ask the hard questions. Really, it is not the questions that are hard. It is the answers! They can hurt, but they can also prompt us to improve.  One more proposal if you want to take it all the way.

5. In spite of the fact that the church is losing someone, and if the departure is determined and inevitable, they should graciously and proactively help the departing members find another church. That is a kingdom mindset that is rarely found in churches. I don’t want to lose anyone but I would rather one of my members find a new place to serve, worship, and thrive, than to see them disconnect. That would certainly be a reflection of their immaturity, but the fact is that our church was given the task of bringing them into maturity. Therefore, I want them in church. If not mine, then yours.

Gaining momentum is the desire of the leader. It occurs when progress toward the mission and objective of the organization moves forward. It is the point when hard work and diligence begin to pay off. Sometimes more is accomplished with less investment because the energy has been generated and more team members and stakeholders are carrying the load. Everyone seems to be pulling in the same direction. Progress. Wins. Success. Celebration. Overcoming. Breaking through barriers. Momentum.

However, some leaders have an unhealthy habit of throwing out anchors that rob the church, organization, or business of potential momentum. The aptitude and the attitude of the team members is critical. Be careful not to sabotage the attitude of team members. Here is how it happens:

1. When you belittle someone. Everyone likes to laugh. Jokes and pranks can be a lot of fun. That is, unless you are on the receiving end. You are not in High School anymore. You cannot motivate people by failing to show respect. Sarcastic, cutting, and critical comments equate to removing the fuel from the tank of the very person you need as a partner to get you to your destination. Criticism should not be avoided, but it should be far outweighed by frequent words of appreciation and encouragement. Talk people up. That is what effective leaders do.
2. When you manipulate someone. No one likes to be used or to feel used. People value transparency well above one’s ability to be cunning. The golden rule should always apply. Treat others as you desire to be treated. If you do not want people “using you” to their own ends, then do not be guilty of manipulating and using others for your own designs. The aim is to partner with your team members and followers seeking the best possible outcome for all and not simply for yourself.
3. When you are insensitive. One of your greatest assets are the people you work alongside and serve day in and day out. Being sensitive does not compel you to be “mushy” or “touchy-feely.” Be an active listener. Show genuine interest in people and their ideas. Acknowledge both accomplishments and personal losses that people experience. Demonstrate that you genuinely care and people will follow you. A leader has to be tough, but that does not mean you have to be tough to be around.
4. When you discourage personal growth. An effective leader is intentional about developing other leaders. He or she encourages the advancement and growth of those that work under their leadership. Determining to be a leader of leaders (that you enlist and develop) will bear more fruit than being a leader of followers. You may have noticed that effective football coaches continually lose their assistant coaches to new head coaching positions. That loss is actually a compliment to their leadership. When you provide an environment for people to grow and advance, you will lose talented members. However, that type of leadership continually draws new members onto the team or into the organization. Never stand in the way of growth opportunities for your team. John Maxwell stated it this way: “If you grow, we all benefit!”

Adapted from Chapter Seven of Developing The Leader Within You by John Maxwell.

Every effective organization has a leader and there can only be one at the helm. He or she will be most effective if they surround themselves with other capable team members who are called upon to lead from the middle. Always remember that an organization with no head is dead and an organization with more than one head is a monster. How do you help those who lead from the middle? If you are leading from the middle, take heart. God can use you mightily and you can exert great influence. I recently heard that the disposition of a leader is more important than the position. Here are some lessons I have learned about leading from the middle for you to apply or to pass along to team members.

1. It is the leader’s prerogative to have the final word. You will not always agree. He or she will not always be right. But, it is the leader’s prerogative to make the final call. Your role is first to help the leader to make a good decision. Do your research. Share your thoughts. Build a relationship that allows you to say what you think and even disagree because of the trust that you share. Once a decision is made, you should support the decision. That is tough to do sometimes, but that is your responsibility. In the most egregious of circumstances and in the event that you cannot be supportive, you should step aside. I am not speaking to issues of morality or integrity at this point. Always stand for those issues to the end. But, generally speaking, the leader bears responsibility for the final decision.
2. You will never have enough staff. I know what you are thinking. If we only had more staff then we could really move this church or organization forward. I have been on staffs of all sizes from two to two-hundred and we never have had enough. Don’t sit around waiting on additional staff. Use your talents, gifts, and experience to move your organization forward. Progress does not necessarily follow the addition of more staff members. Additional staff members usually follow the progress of the current staff. Focus on your mission and your responsibility. Give greater attention to what you have than to what you wish you had.
3. You will never have enough in your budget. Okay. I admit that some people are blessed and the budget has more than they can spend. You are likely not in that situation. The thinking here is the same as in point number two. If we had more money we could… Never let the size of your budget, determine what you can get done. See large financial resources as a blessing and not as a necessity. I say this particularly for those who serve in ministry. Resources do not necessarily bring you people. Reach people and they will bring additional resources. I am not just speaking of finances. People bring additional talents, time, and strength to the church or organization you lead.
4. You may be doing something different in a couple of years. If your ministry or business grows or succeeds, the roles of the team members will, because of necessity have to change. Enjoy what you do, but understand that what you do will likely need to change in the future. That means you need to grow and to be flexible. This is also good news if you do not enjoy what you are doing. I experienced this for over a year earlier in my ministry, but stayed focused leading the organization to grow, which opened new opportunities for me in a short span of time. It is good to do what you enjoy. It is equally important to learn to enjoy what you do. Work, after all, is a blessing. If you don’t believe me, let me put you in touch with friends who have been out of work for a while.

To respect your time, I will pick up next week. I want to do all I can to help you to maximize your leadership!

Are you “a” leader but not “the” leader? That is the category into which most leaders fall. Great things can be accomplished by those who lead from the middle. They may or may not get the credit. However, credit is not the goal. The goal is faithfulness, progress, success, change, or resolution depending on the situation. It does not matter who gets the credit so long as the job gets done. I love and respect my leader so very much. I also take joy on those occasions where he says or initiates something over which I had influence. We he wins, I win and all of our staff wins. If the organization does well that is good for all who are affiliated. Therefore, I am committed to do my best as I lead from the middle. I shared four key lessons for those who lead from the middle last week. Here are four more that will maximize your leadership.

5. Always be positive. It is the nature of organizations to struggle with communication, perpetual crises, misunderstandings, misalignment of staff, weaker staff members, and weariness. Effective organizations are never satisfied and many tasks are actually unconquerable. The team continually chases its goals, but there is never an end. In the midst of that weariness and frustration the team members can easily fall into the trap of cynicism, (unhealthy) criticism, and complaining. Take heart. Everyone does this to some degree. However, it should not be misconstrued as a spiritual gift. Catch yourself and beware of perpetual negativity. You will not last long and if you do, you will be an anchor on the progress of your church or organization. There is a time to criticize, but there is also a proper way to do so. When all is said and done, a leader who leads effectively from the middle lifts people up with a good attitude that sees the best in most situations instead of automatically gravitating to the worst interpretation. Be positive. Your church or organization likely has enough critics already!

6. Don’t hold grudges. You will be disappointed sometimes. People will make mistakes and will let you down. If you are around long enough, someone will hurt your feelings. You will not always get your way. You will encounter some people whose motives are not pure and their actions will bring hurt to you. What do you do in those circumstances? You must offer genuine forgiveness and let go of the hurts. If not, you will become the cynic and will be unable to accomplish the aims described in the previous point. Buddy Hackett once said that “while you carry the grudge the other guy is out dancing.” What does that mean? It means you only hurt yourself and not only do you become an anchor holding back your organization, but you also become the anchor to your own personal development and effectiveness. You will get hurt and when it happens, you must work through it, learn from it, and then let go.

7. Work hard, but not to the neglect of your family. Effective leaders are by nature hard workers and you should be. However, on this point you should not compromise. Strive to succeed with family and at work. But if you can only succeed with one, make it your family. Jobs come and go, but your family is a lifetime association and commitment. You can do both. It requires skills at prioritizing, establishing healthy boundaries, good time management, and a strong work ethic. Do you possess those four qualities or skills? If not get help because your church, organization, and most importantly, your family need your leadership.
8. Don’t dismiss your critics. I’ll admit it. I do not like to be criticized. But I do like the result of criticism. If you are a leader you will of necessity have to learn to handle criticism. If you are never criticized, it is because you are not doing anything. Even the most gifted and effective leaders get criticized. Jesus Christ came from God, served man, lived virtuously and constantly received criticism. Are you any better? It will happen. Don’t walk into it by constantly exercising poor judgment. But when it does happen, get up, brush yourself off, and ask yourself a question: To what degree is their criticism accurate? “Only one to two percent your say?” Then you have work to do. Address the two percent that they were accurate about and sharpen your leadership. That is what I mean by “liking the results of criticism.” I always seek to as objectively as possible understand what my critics are right about and make changes. John Schnatter once said, “I’ve always found that people who struggle are hard on others, but those who do well in life are hard on themselves.” You don’t have to enjoy criticism. I know I don’t. But you must grow from it if you lead from the middle. That is another way that you maximize your leadership.

I’m not done. I’ll have more to share on this subject next week. Stay tuned and please share with others.

Some leaders are blessed with “gravitas.” They can command a room or an audience by their very presence. People naturally turn to them and tune in to them whenever they are present. I admire their natural and God gifted abilities to influence others with charm, good people skills, compelling personality, and natural born leadership ability. What these type of leaders have cannot be bought and cannot be learned or developed. However, any leader, and you must not be a “natural born leader” in order to lead, can develop their own abilities and increase their ability to influence and motivate others. I’m still working on it and perhaps you are too. Therefore, here are some thoughts that I encourage you to apply as you consider what happens when a leader enters the room.

1. The leader is ordinarily on time. I say ordinarily because there are exceptions to everything. Sometimes there is a necessary meeting before the meeting or a unexpected urgent matter calls for their attention. If they have charge of the meeting you will notice that someone is there in their stead and everything is prepared so that once they arrive there is no further delay. The leader will offer an apology and explanation. However, their late arrival is the exception and not the rule. Why? Because a true leader can be counted on and that is modeled by arriving at the agreed upon time.
2. The leader greets everyone personally if possible. Again you will note the caveat of “if possible.” A gathering of six or eight people and a gathering of six hundred people are not the same. In the first instance, all in attendance will be personally engaged. In a larger setting the leader will seek to engage as many people as possible before and after the event.
3. The leader projects energy and optimism. He or she may not even feel like being there. He may be tired, frustrated, or fighting a cold, but will not tip his or her hand. This energy and optimism does not mean that he is not serious but as a leader, he is there to help find the way forward and confidently helps everyone present to know there are alternatives and hope for the future.
4. The leader is prepared. Preparation may mean providing an agenda, having pre-determined questions, having studied in advance to offer answers to questions or concerns, or preparing a message to deliver. While a leader learns to be extemporaneous, he or she is known for being well prepared.
5. The leader is focused on the people in the room and not electronic devices. I do not object to the possession or use of electronic devices in meetings but you will notice that leaders may use them as a tool but not as a distraction. Their focus is on the people inside the room rather than those outside of it for the duration of the gathering.
6. The leader leaves when they must but never appears to be in a hurry. People have schedules to keep and leaders are no exception. The leader will tend to linger when possible to continue personal interaction with those in attendance but sometimes has to move along to other obligations. He or she will make their way to the exit and though they may be in a hurry will avoid giving the appearance that they are anxious to depart.

I want to add one other note for the Christian leader. Let’s pray for one another for God’s anointing on our lives. My desire is that He would place on me a supernatural and spiritual drawing that makes my leadership, wisdom, and guidance fruitful and compelling to others, not for my own elevation, but that I might be used mightily of God for His Kingdom purposes. How about you?

I confess that I am much more skilled at breaking things than building things. When it comes to the work of a handyman, I can get the job done but I am slow and unskilled. However, I have learned how to apply an important element of the handyman’s work to my leadership. My dad used to remind me of an important principle when cutting wood when constructing or repairing anything. He would remind me before applying a saw to wood to measure twice so that I would only have to cut once. The point is to verify what you already know to be true in order to minimize making a mistake and having to cut again or to waste wood that was not measured correctly to start with.

I am blessed with some administrative gifts, but being far from perfect I have also learned to apply new skills to help in getting my work accomplished. I talk to myself and almost every day I remind myself to “measure twice and cut once.” As I work with an assistant, a fellow staff member, or an employee, I tell them that I would rather you ask the same question three or four times and get it right than to only ask once and let a detail go unnoticed. Understand that the nature of leadership correlates to increased numbers of details and responsibilities. Hopefully, you have a team and/or assistants to help with those details. Remind them and continually remind yourself to always measure twice (check it and double check it) and you will only have to cut once (the task will be done right).

I learned a new phrase recently that I have often repeated to myself from Coach Bill Belichick of the New England Patriots. He made a political endorsement that got members of the press in a frenzy. At his next press conference, a reporter ask him about the endorsement. About five or six times, as the question was being asked, he kept interrupting the question with this word: “Seattle….Seattle…Seattle.” The Seattle Seahawks were their next opponent. He was communicating that his focus was on the next game and not on political commentary.

I found myself recently distracted from a task and said out loud to myself….”Seattle….Seattle.” It was my way of refocusing. It may or may not make a difference to you but I find mental devices such as these helpful to keep me focused, attentive to details, and effective in my leadership. There are others. I have mine and you have yours. In any case you should be diligent in developing mental disciplines and exercises to maximize your leadership.

I hate to make mistakes and I make them all too often.  The good news is that you don’t have to be “mistake free” in order to be effective. You certainly don’t want to make the same mistakes over and over. Outstanding leaders seek to minimize their mistakes and any diligent organization should do likewise. The person who never admits that they have made mistakes commits perhaps an even more egregious error than committing a mistake in the first place.

Russ Gasdia was once ask what he considered to be the three characteristics of an effective leader. He replied, “Humility, humility, humility. Effective leaders know they make mistakes, accept feedback from others to learn, admit that they don’t always know what’s right, and recognize that it is ‘not all about them. When they succeed they are humble. When they fail, they are humble. And lastly, they never think they are more important than their customer.”

Confidence is commendable but I believe we can all agree that arrogance is contemptible. Always do your best and seek to minimize your mistakes. However, you may have noticed that some leaders get “a pass” when they make mistakes and perhaps you can too. Those who get through the errors and continue to thrive have these qualities in common:

1. They have established a pattern of excellence and effectiveness while big mistakes are the exception rather than the rule.
2. They have focused on building relationships and therefore people know their motives are pure even if the outcome sometimes falls short.
3. They tend to make long-term commitments and don’t quickly move from place to place.
4. They tend to exercise grace themselves when others make mistakes.
5. They are always purposefully progressing in their skills and leadership abilities.

 

Do not misunderstand the intent of this message. Egregious errors and moral failures, while they can be forgiven, will result in the forfeit of leadership opportunities. But effective leaders find a way to be strengthened by mistakes rather than crippled by them. Examine yourself in light of these five qualities and apply them to strengthen your leadership even amidst occasional mistakes.

*Paragraph 2 taken from chapter 2 of John G. Millers’ Outstanding!

Imagine that you are driving down a highway at about 60 miles per hour daydreaming and listening to your favorite radio station. Suddenly, and without warning, a ball rolls into your path with a small child following darts into the road. While you only have a split second to determine whether to apply the brakes and strike the child or to swerve around the child knowing that you will collide with some object and perhaps suffer some injury to yourself as well as damage to your vehicle, your instincts kick in. You calculate in a millisecond that the damage to the child is greater than the risk to your own life or property. The foremost thought in your mind was not the decision making process but rather the implications of your actions.

Organizational leadership, whether with a small team or a large business, puts you in the driver’s seat of frequent decision making. Occasionally you will be compelled to make immediate instinctual decisions but rarely will you find yourself having to make a split second decision like in the illustration above. When you have an hour, a day, a week, or a year to make a decision, you should take advantage of time. Effective leaders excel because they take the time to consider the implications and consequences of the decision to be made. I would also add that time allows the luxury of seeking the counsel of team members, staff, trusted advisers, experts, and sometimes your community to make the best possible decision. I learned a tool some years back that is very helpful in weighing implications before making a big decision and I wanted to share a simple version of it with you. You can do this exercise mentally in the course of an hour, spend a two day retreat with a staff combing through each element, or something in between. Do you have a big decision to make? Go through this process to make the wisest and best decision possible:

1. Make two lists. One list should contain all of the possible positive results that could come from this decision. The second list should contain all of the possible negative consequences that could result. There is no wrong number of items to include on either list but the larger the decision, the more comprehensive you should seek to be.
2. Take each item on the positive results list and rate each one on a scale of +1 to +5. Plus one means it will make a mild positive impact and a plus five means it will be a game-changer for your organization. Do likewise for the list of possible negative consequences on a scale of -1 to -5. A minus one means a mild negative impact will possibly occur and a minus five means that the consequence could severely damage your organization, customers, or community. You should also rate both list with 2’s, 3,s, and 4’s if the impact falls somewhere in between.
3. Take each item and determine the likelihood that the positive or negative result will occur. Use a scale of 1 – 5 with one being a mild possibility and five being that it is almost certain to occur. Use 2, 3, and 4 also if the likelihood falls somewhere in between. For positive results, make it +1 – +5 and for negative results use -1 to -5
4. Evaluate the implications based on steps one, two, and three. Adding up the scores is not the way to evaluate in this instance. Look at the severity of any potential negative consequences and the likelihood that they will occur. It may be that you have to move forward with the decision but the exercise will show you where work needs to be done in advance to prepare.  You may realize the decision needs to wait. It could be that you change your mind if you see that the likelihood of negative consequences are severe and the likelihood is high.

A couple of other quick notes: Be reminded that you can conduct this exercise formally or informally. You can do it mentally, on a piece of paper, or on a whiteboard or wall. The bigger the decision, the more formal and detailed you should be. Second: For the faith community, what about prayer? That element is not absent but should be obvious to spiritual leaders. You begin with prayer, you proceed with prayer, and you process with prayer all the way through. Ineffective leaders make bad decisions because they don’t weigh the implications. Maximize your leadership by thinking through all of the consequences and not just the immediate outcomes.