Leading

A couple of months ago I posted an article on ways that Grandparents can help their grandchildren connect to church beyond their childhood years and into their adult lives. While, admittedly, the parents carry the greatest weight of responsibility and influence, Christian grandparents possess a deep and natural concern for the spiritual progress, as well as the eternal destiny of the grandkids. The issue is certainly addressed much easier when the parents of the grandchildren are fully engaged in the life of the church. When Tom Crites and I conducted our research and wrote about it in our book, Why They Stay, we laid out the fifteen major issues that affect the likelihood that children would stay connected to church as adults. Grandparents were not among those fifteen issues. But, that does not mean that they cannot or should not strive to make a difference. In my previous article I shared ideas particularly applicable for those whose grandchildren had parents who were not raising them in church. The four points were:

1. Revitalize your relationship with your adult children (so there are no barriers to your influence).
2. Do what you must to get your grandchildren to Jesus.
3. Share the tools (of how to keep children connected) with your adult children.
4. Be a model of faith and a cheerleader for the faith development of your grandchildren.

I have a grandson who has parents very actively engaged in the life of the church. Let me share three additional points that apply in this more positive circumstance.

1. Model a healthy marriage to your adult children. My wife and I recently celebrated 35 years of marriage. I am blessed to say that I am happily married. One of many keys is that I became a student of healthy marriages long ago. A healthy marriage is not only more enjoyable for my wife and I, but it also has a spiritual effect on our children.  I want them to know that in spite of current cultural trends that long, life-time, happy marriages are possible. It takes work, a forgiving spirit, flexibility, patience, and unconditional love, among other things, but it can be accomplished. Why does this matter? It matters because if my adult children have healthy marriages, the likelihood of my grandchildren coming to faith and connecting to church for life is greatly increased.
2. I am determined that my wife and I will never be the source of conflict in my children’s marriages. Did you know that one of the four leading causes of marital conflict is “in-laws.” I have several in-law jokes in my humor repertoire but this is no laughing matter. I hope my married children never have any really serious marital problems, but if they do, I am determined that it will not be me. Don’t be the source of the conflict! Your children were to “leave and cleave.” Give them the appropriate amount of space.
3. I am investing tangibly in the marriages of my adult children. God put something on my heart as I continued to work through what I learned that keeps kids connected to church for life. If it is indeed true that strong marriages greatly increase the likelihood of lifetime church commitment then I need to invest in my children’s marriage. I will not say the amount because we all have varying levels of resources at our disposal. But take note of what my wife and I have done. I explained to my two married daughters that we have set aside money in a fund that is available to them for any of the following:

• It may be used to attend a couples or marriage enrichment retreat.
• It may be used to by a book or any resource that will educate them about a stronger marriage.
• It may be used, without any judgment from me, for marriage counseling.

The message communicated to my adult children is as important as the amount of money. I am there to encourage their marriages to grow and be strong.

Because, if and when it is, it makes a difference to my grandchildren. And in case you didn’t know it, my grands are the best!

“What did we ever do about…..?”

“Whatever became of……?

“What is the status of that idea we discussed?”

These are the types of questions you expect someone with supervisory responsibilities to ask of those who serve under their leadership. Keeping people accountable is a key component for any organization that strives to make progress. I’ve often heard it said of leaders that they should “inspect what they expect.” You should personally expect that anyone who has leadership over you, whether paid, volunteer, or in a ministry context, will expect you to be accountable to the mission, for instructions given, tasks assigned, as well as for your conduct inside and outside of the organization.

To this point, I have stated what I believe to be “obvious.” However, I have observed in many circumstances through the years that the accountability often flows in one direction (down the chain).  I experienced this in one ministry context years ago with great frustration. How about the accountability of the supervisor or leader to those who follow? No doubt, the person over you is and should be accountable to those who they serve under. Effective leaders are also intentional about being accountable to those who serve under them. To do so, while voluntary, is wise and engenders loyalty, improved morale, and greater effectiveness for the organization in which you serve. What does it look like? Here are two simple ideas for leaders:

1. Do you have a regular staff meeting or team meeting? Add to the agenda for each gathering an item called “What About?” Explain that this section is not a time to discuss miscellaneous issues. When the team gets to this part of the agenda, they have absolute liberty to ask the supervisor or team leader any question regarding anything that has ever come from his or her lips. Here are some examples “What is the status of…? Whatever happened to…? We discussed doing….., whatever became of that? You said we were going to….When is it going to happen?”
2. Speak directly to each of your reports, assistants, team members, or employees. Tell them that they have total liberty to ask you at any time about the status or result of anything that they have ever heard you say with no fear of defensiveness, reprisal, or concern for how you feel about being asked. You should do this regularly. I strive to take this approach with those that I lead.

 

Once a team member or employee does ask, you must respond without being defensive. Be honest. Perhaps you forgot. Maybe you got distracted. Maybe you made a decision but failed to communicate the result. Perhaps you have delayed the action because you have information that they are not aware of. Here is the question: Do you desire loyalty from those serving with you? Good attitudes and less complaining? Less frustrated team members? Greater advancement toward your mission and objectives? Take the initiative in implementing reverse accountability!

For as he thinks in his heart, so is he. . .

                                       Proverbs 23:7

The way that we think is important because it is our thinking that affects our actions.  The way in which we think comprises our attitude.  Good attitudes lead to better decisions and healthier decisions.  Churches also have attitudes that we often refer to as a “church culture.”  Like individuals, congregations as a group have corporate attitudes. What is the attitude of your church?  How does your congregation think?

Some years ago, one of my peers in a neighboring state studied the thinking of churches in his region. For the purpose of this study effective churches were defined as those who were experiencing growth in membership.  He found eleven distinctive attitudes that were clearly opposite from the corporate attitudes in churches that were plateaued or declining.

You should note that the congregations had much in common.  They were Baptist Churches, with small group ministries that generally met prior to worship, and provided the typical ministries and programs you would associate with a Southern Baptist congregation. While the programming and ministries were similar, some were growing while others were not.  What was the difference?  It was not the style or the programming.  It was the mentality of the congregation.

I took one other step in examining these attitudes.  I connected the scriptural basis for the attitudes.  How does your church think?  Here are the first six distinctions:

(E= Corporate attitude in effective churches  &  I= Corporate attitude in ineffective churches)

Prayer

Acts 4:31

E- There was a consistent mention of prayer and its role in personal and church growth.

Prayer was strategic.

I- Prayer was not mentioned.  Note that prayer occurred in the life of these churches during worship, offertories, Wednesday nights, times of crisis, etc.  However, it was not intentional or strategic like in effective

Friendliness and Inclusion

Acts 2:42-47

E- Members had a consciousness that newcomers need help in order to break into a new group.

I- Their level of friendliness was strong and intentional to one another, but passive to outsiders.

View of Evangelism

Matthew 28:18-20

E- Evangelism was seen as the responsibility of each member and was expected to be taken seriously.  Evangelism was described in relational terms.

I- The responsibility for evangelism was assigned exclusively to staff and pastors.

Evangelism was described primarily in institutional and programming terms.

View of their Community

Matthew 9:37-38

E- The perception was that there were many in the community to be reached and members were equipped in personal evangelism.

I- The perception was that the community was made of people already churched and/or people who had already made up their minds.

Time Orientation

Philippians 3:13

E- a) The best days for the church are yet to come.

1. b) All problems are solvable.
2. c) Optimism dominated.

I-Our best days were in the past (“Do you remember when. . . “)

 

More next week…

For as he thinks in his heart, so is he. . .

                                                Proverbs 23:7

Last week I shared the following:

 

The way that we think is important because it is our thinking that affects our actions.  The way in which we think comprises our attitude.  Good attitudes lead to better decisions and healthier decisions.  Churches also have attitudes that we often refer to as a “church culture.”  Like individuals, congregations as a group have corporate attitudes. What is the attitude of your church?  How does your congregation think?

 

Some years ago, one of my peers in a neighboring state studied the thinking of churches in his region. For the purpose of this study effective churches were defined as those who were experiencing growth in membership.  He found eleven distinctive attitudes that were clearly opposite from the corporate attitudes in churches that were plateaued or declining.

 

You should note that the congregations had much in common.  They were Baptist Churches, with small group ministries that generally met prior to worship, and provided the typical ministries and programs you would associate with a Southern Baptist congregation. While the programming and ministries were similar, some were growing while others were not.  What was the difference?  It was not the style or the programming.  It was the mentality of the congregation.

 

I took one other step in examining these attitudes.  I connected the scriptural basis for the attitudes.  How does your church think?

 

I shared the first five last week. Here are the others:

(E= Corporate attitude in effective churches & I= Corporate attitude in ineffective churches)

Energy Level

Acts 2:46-47

E- Church is fun and possesses a high level of enthusiasm.

I- Church is viewed as a duty and/or obligation.  Somber spirit pervaded.  Energy poured into maintenance rather than touching the community.

Music

Psalm 150

E- There was admitted tension in this area in the effective churches. However, there was an acknowledgement that the greatest growth possibilities tended to be among the younger population. Therefore, adjustments were made where needed to aid in the appeal to young families. The churches were slowly making changes in this area.

I-Music was viewed as a sensitive subject and there was a reluctance to discuss it or make any adjustments.

*Please note that the style of music according to other studies is not as relevant as the “life and quality” of the music.  The only style that was not found in growing churches was “high church” style. 

Expectations of Pastor

Ephesians 4:11-12

E- a) The pastor was viewed as an equipper.

1. b) There was a “teach me to minister” attitude.

I- a) The pastor was called to preach, visit, and counsel.

1. b) There was a “minister to me” attitude.

Willingness to Change

Matthew 15:1-9

E- a) There was an understanding that growth demands change.

1. b) Evangelism was such a priority that it forced the churches to try new things.

I- a) Keeping traditions was a “critical value.”

1. b) Change was seen as too great a price to pay.

 

Role of Laity

I Corinthians 12:7

E- Attendance was desired, but most important value was involvement in ministry.

I- Involvement was characterized in terms of attending and giving.

 

Spiritual Growth

II Corinthians 5:16-17

E- Measured and described in relation to changed lives.

I- Measured and described in relation to Bible knowledge.

 

“Is it really Monday already?”

“The weekend can’t get here quick enough!”

“Do I really have to get up and go to work today?”

John G. Millers says that “some people hate their jobs, feel trapped, feel under appreciated, and are miserable about what they do each day.” Their dissatisfaction with their work turns them into “clock watchers.” Each day begins by counting down the hours until quitting time or until the weekend. The days are long, the work is tedious, and any passion for the job is absent. I worked with someone just like this during my first year out of college. I taught at Pepperell Middle School in Lindale, Georgia and I loved going to work every day. I was located in a classroom right next to a more experienced teacher who apparently had the gift of whining. As a 21 year old young man, my thought was, “Why do you work here? If this is so horrible, why don’t you go do something else?”

I was too respectful to say it out loud to an elder to whom I was newly acquainted. Sadly this teacher was cheating. She (in this particular case a female, but I have encountered as many men with the same issue) was cheating herself and she was cheating the students. I do not know about you, but I want someone teaching my child who is passionate and excited about the opportunity to serve my child. I determined at 21 years of age that I would always do my work with passion and that if I could not that I would step aside so that someone who had passion for the position could give the role what it deserves. I still hold to that today.

Most of the leaders that I work with are blessed to serve in some vocational ministry. Their job is a ministry and their ministry is a job. However, the ministry dynamic does not immunize those who serve in ministry from potential dissatisfaction. Let me say that there is nothing wrong with looking forward to the weekend or to some much needed time off. However, if you lose your passion for what you do, for what the organization is all about, and you live for the weekend instead of for the opportunity to serve….then you must take honest account of yourself. I have served in my current ministry for almost 18 years. I can’t believe it. The time has flown by. I am more of a “calendar watcher” than a “clock watcher.” I have seen the years fly by doing what I love…serving the Lord through a series of ministry assignments at the Georgia Baptist Mission Board.

I heard Dr. Johnny Hunt say recently that you should always look forward to going to work and always look forward to going home. When both are true you will not simply be balanced, but be content and much more effective wherever you are. Be true to yourself and more importantly be true to the Lord. Be sure that the person serving in your role does so with passion. Hopefully, it is you!

Perhaps you have known someone who was smart but lacked common sense. Or someone who always dressed very professionally but came across as rude and critical. Or someone who had a great personality but never seemed to get anything accomplished. Having intelligence, a good education, a professional demeanor, attractive appearance,  a great looking resume, an impressive title, and/or the ability to impress peers or employees with people you know or have connected with can be an advantage. However, many people who possess these qualities are quickly viewed by those they work for or work alongside as incompetent if any of the following eight issues begin surface in your work or leadership. Here are the first four:

1. When you are perceived as lazy. I have taught my three daughters this principle and it has served them well. One is a senior in college with a 3.96 G.P.A.. A second is an elementary school teacher and by her second year was being tapped to orient new teachers on how to excel in managing their classroom. A third leveraged her work ethic into a $4.50 per hour raise last year. I shared with them how sadly easy it is to out-perform the average person by simply working a little harder (which is not that hard). Arrive a little earlier, stay a little later, be known as someone who gets the job done, don’t be a complainer, volunteer to do extra, and when you have an idea, own it and work to make it happen. But, whatever you do, never, never, never let it be said of you that you are lazy. If so, you will be viewed as incompetent no matter what your qualifications may be.
2. When you are not purposefully punctual. This issue is cultural and you ignore it at your own leadership peril. Being on time, finishing on time, completing work on time, following agreed upon timelines, and timely responses to all forms of communications are examples of how punctuality needs to be applied. Everyone is subject to getting stuck in traffic, having a family emergency, or occasionally getting snowed under by the workload resulting in falling behind or being late. It is understandable. However, failure on this point should be the exception rather than the rule. Otherwise, you may have the highest academic degree in the room, but people are viewing you as lacking in competence.
3. When you cannot get organized. This is a tough one for those who do not have administrative skills or gifts. The higher you go in an organization, the more you can get by with disorganization if you have the prerogative to compensate by bringing people around you who can organize for you. However, at any level of leadership or service, the inability to organize comes across as lack of competence even if you have the higher I.Q.  If it is not your gift, you must make it a discipline or surround yourself with others who do it for you.
4. When you are unwilling to adopt new technologies. In order to be viewed as a competent leader, you need not be tech savvy nor do you need to possess the latest technological device. However, you must be tech aware at a minimum. I know some people who have titles, degrees, experience, and intelligence, but refuse to use email, to text, to engage in social networking, or to change day to day practices or communications. In spite of their resume, people view them as incompetent, especially followers who are younger. You need to know what the current communication preferences are, know the lingo of social networking even if you do not plug into every source, and continuously have a willingness to adopt new forms of technology and communication. Here is why…every day of your life, the number of people younger than you is dramatically growing. They are suspicious to start with and you only enhance their skepticism of your leadership when you are not at least “tech aware.” Unfortunately, your actions, or lack thereof, lead them to interpret you as incompetent. Don’t allow that to happen.