Relationships

Do you lead a Bible study group? Perhaps you are a pastor or staff member and you administrate groups. Some groups meet on Sunday morning prior to worship. Some groups meet at other times on Sunday and sometimes they meet during the week. Some groups meet on the church campus while others meet off campus and in homes. Some groups are fairly traditional in structure like Sunday school classes and others are more innovative like community based Bible study groups. Some groups are “open” so that anyone may jump in at any time and some are “closed” with limited time frames and are not open to new attendees until a new cycle begins.

Be sure to understand the strength of one universal principle that motivates growth in “open” groups and consistency in participation of “closed” groups. Here is the principle that applies to any group of any size in any place in any format: Your weekly attendance is ordinarily proportional to the number of ministry connections made by group members during the previous week. I can speak for an hour on this subject but let me drill down quickly and illustrate how it works. Group “A” and Group “B” both averaged twelve in their weekly attendance over the past few months. Group “A” begins to focus on intentional ministry connections for the next few months. The members are purposeful in touching base with those who had to miss for whatever reason, invite an average of six to eight guests each week, maintain contact with the faithful members to express appreciation as well as to identify any ministry needs that warrant a response, and have fellowships each month in addition to the weekly Bible study. Over the course of the month, well over 100 ministry connections were made.

Group “B” has also averaged about twelve in attendance each week. They love one another, are serious about studying God’s word, and are fine-upstanding Christians. However, any ministry connections they made were spontaneous. No on begrudges them for being spontaneous, but if you could track their ministry connections, which you cannot because they do not account for them, you would discover that they were not intentional in connecting with those who had to miss, invited only six people to visit over the previous month, did not reach out to even their faithful members unless they just happened to bump into them somewhere, ministered to a couple of families in severe crisis, and had no fellowship apart from the Bible study time. If you could calculate it, you would discover that fewer than a dozen ministry connections were made in the past month.  Group “A” made over 100 ministry connections and Group “B” had fewer than a dozen. Now you tell me…which group is most likely averaging more than a dozen or which group, if closed, likely maintained the strongest consistency in attendance? It is not rocket science but it is not common knowledge or every Bible study leader would leverage this concept. How about you? How about your Bible study leaders?

If you want to know more, I challenge you to take time to read chapter seven of my book “Sunday School That Really Works.”

I recently had the privilege of preaching on a Sunday morning at my home church. God really blessed the message as I shared some of the anchors that keep your children (and grandchildren) connected to church into their adult lives. This is a message that is inspiring and instructive. I want to do something a little out of the ordinary for my weekly leadership post. May I encourage you to take thirty minutes to enjoy the message, to allow God to speak to your heart, and to share with others? Thanks for your leadership and for allowing me the privilege of investing in your personal growth and ministry.

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My first commercially published book released in 2010 from Kregel Publications was titled Sunday School That Really Works.  Whether you have a traditional Sunday School ministry, home groups during the week, or call your groups by some other name, the book is valuable and I hope you will check out. On page 51, I state that your church is not really growing unless the community is being penetrated with the gospel message, people are trusting Jesus Christ as their Savior, and the church is taking responsibility to lead those new believers (as well as existing members) to grow in their personal relationship with the Lord. Now that I have defined what it means for a congregation to grow, did you know that it is possible for some churches to increase in attendance without really growing? Here are five ways I have seen it happen:

1. Seasonal Growth: Most churches can experience a mild surge of growth at the beginning of the academic year for schools and the Sunday’s that follow the New Year’s Holiday on January 1^st. Everyone is back in town, new commitments have been made, new groups are created and attendance often surges. The dynamic is particularly true when comparing the attendance to the summer months when people are vacationing or the holidays when people are traveling. The illusion of growth can appear because attendance takes a seasonal surge which is common to most every church.
2. Worship Driven Growth: While Sunday morning worship is both critical to church vitality and central as the primary gathering point for the congregation, you can sometimes be misled by an increase in attendance for this particular service. The Sunday morning worship is the gathering of a crowd. However, some churches grow the worship without growing the believers. How can you tell? If a church is making disciples and equipping the saints (Matthew 28:18-20 and Ephesians 4:11-12) then more leaders are being developed, an increasing number of people are serving, an increasing number of small groups are being created, and more new believers are being discipled.  Let me be clear that it is not about the numbers but the numbers do reflect something. For example, if the worship attendance expanded by 20% or more and you have no additional leaders or more people serving, the crowd is growing, but not the number of fully devoted disciples. Rick Warren once noted that you “measure the health of a church by its sending capacity, not its seating capacity.”
3. “New” Driven Growth: When a church calls a new pastor, a new staff member, or moves into a new facility, at least a small surge of growth in attendance tends to take place. A church would actually do well to leverage this opportunity. It is also not uncommon, though not automatic, for some floundering of attendance to occur during the absence of a pastor in an interim situation. But the freshness of a new pastor leads some members to recommit though they may have wavered or to reconcile if they were disgruntled under former leadership. The attendance may increase but may not be reflected by more lost people having been reached.
4. Split-Driven Growth: This is a touchy one. A church up the road has a crisis or conflict and families begin to bail. It may not be that the church splits in half but that several families left in a short time span and many follow their peers to a new church. The receiving church has done nothing wrong in this circumstance, but the addition of six, eight, ten, or more families, while increasing the attendance, may not reflect growth. Members are just being moved around. In this case, do not let the increase in attendance to allow you to have a false sense of security and dissuade you from reaching out to the lost and unchurched.
5. Population Growth: An influx of new neighborhoods can sometimes result in an increase in attendance with little or no effort from the community church. A church that is friendly can particularly have an edge when this happens. The additional families who move from out of the area can be a blessing and the boost can help fill needs for service and leadership. Be cautious in that you should not substitute the addition of new Christian families in the community for reaching out to the unchurched of the community.

I want to emphasize that the church has not necessarily done anything wrong when they experience an increase in attendance for any of the reasons I have stated. Instead of misinterpreting the increase as growth, take advantage of the additional members to make more disciples and to more fervently reach out to more people who need the forgiveness and faith that comes through a relationship with Jesus Christ. Make disciples and equip the saints!

My first two years out of college were spent teaching at Pepperell Middle School in Lindale, Georgia. Although my degree was in the area of the Social Sciences I was pleased when they called upon me to teach two hours of Physical Education each day for sixth grade boys. With my love of sports this was like getting dessert with every meal for me. The school was fairly new and had a small gym that was just large enough to accommodate a basketball court with no room for spectators (in other words; as small as a gym can possibly be). In addition, there were no designed playing fields. To add to the challenge I was assigned 60 students each hour. It doesn’t stop there. Two other P.E. classes were meeting at the same hour. We were limited on facilities, overcrowded with students, and forced to do a job with much patience, cooperation, and creativity. I loved it! I did this for two years and learned to focus on what I had rather than what I did not have to get the job done. I think the Lord was preparing me.

The first full-time ministry post for me was with students and children at Hebron Baptist Church in Dacula, Georgia. You may know the story of how mightily God blessed in allowing us to see hundreds of students come to Christ in the decade when I had responsibility for students. Did you ever hear about the Student ministry facilities there? Well actually, we never had any. How about the student ministry offices? Too much to say here but you would not be impressed. I would visit other churches with admitted envy when I saw the facilities that they provided for the students and the student ministry staff. But…I was determined to never let that stop me from doing what I could with what I had.

I can always stand to have a larger budget, more office space, more staff, and more elevation of my ministry by key leaders. But it would be a shame to pass up great opportunities by focusing on what I do not have rather than thanking God for what I do have and trusting Him to work, not through the strength of what I am provided, but by the strength of His Spirit. You need not be afraid to ask for more but do not base your ministry on resources so much as your passion, leadership, creativity, and most importantly, reliance on the Holy Spirit. John G. Miller sums it up this way:

“As individuals, focusing on what we don’t have rather than on what we can accomplish with what we do have is a waste of time and energy. In the end, outstanding organizations and their people get the job done with the tools and resources they have been given.”

Good words!

 

Every church experiences the loss of members. Not every loss is a bad reflection on the church or its leadership. Sometimes people move out of the community and can no longer feasibly continue to be an active participant in the former church. Sometimes people are disgruntled and quite frankly were inclined to create problems rather than resolve them. No one generally regrets the loss of trouble makers. Some people who leave have not been involved in years or never really plugged in to begin with. And then of course there is the loss of those who go on into eternity.

While the loss of some members can simply be a reflection of the normal course of life, like the death of a senior saint, losses can also be detrimental. What happens when the number of people leaving are outpacing the number of new people being reached? What about those that have been lost because of failure on the part of the current leadership to provide ministry in times of need? How about those who drift away because of hurt, whether real or perceived, because of broken or damaged relationships? You can easily overlook losses when the church is growing. But should you? If you ignore the losses of members, you are missing an opportunity for personal growth and a pathway to more effective leadership and ministry. I want to propose that five things should always be true when a family or member leaves your church:

1. A leader of the church has engaged in a conversation with every member or head of family who leaves to determine the bottom line for why they are departing.
2. In the event that someone has been wronged, or perceives they have been wronged, the leadership proactively seeks reconciliation, not based on whether they will return or not, but based on biblical responsibility.
3. Someone in the church has responsibility for tracking who engaged in the conversation, when it happened, what the bottom line reasoning for the departure was, and documents any response from the church when and if applicable.
4. Every three to four months (minimum), the pastor along with key leaders examines the documentation to determine if there are identifiable patterns. For example: Six of nine families left because of concerns or problems related to the preschool ministry. That is a pattern. Some action is needed to prevent other families from the same experiences. Another example: Three of the twelve families that left in last few months were put off by the political comments of a Bible Study leader. All three couples were in the same group. Is there a problem here? Maybe and maybe not, but it is worth consideration.

Some people seem to live disgruntled lives and cannot be satisfied. Others are looking to be served rather than to serve and move from church to church. But, when you lose committed members who have not left the community, you would do well to ask the hard questions. Really, it is not the questions that are hard. It is the answers! They can hurt, but they can also prompt us to improve. One more proposal if you want to take it all the way.

5.  In spite of the fact that the church is losing someone, and if the departure is                                               determined and inevitable, they graciously and proactively help the departing members find another church. That is a kingdom mindset that is rarely found in churches. I don’t want to lose anyone but I would rather one of my members find a new place to serve, worship, and thrive, than to see them disconnect. That would certainly be a reflection of their immaturity but the fact is that our church was given the task of bringing them into maturity. Therefore, I want them in church. If not mine, then yours.

Customers do not exist for the business but rather a business exists for the customer.

The same could be said for a ministry such as the Georgia Baptist Mission Board where I serve. Our customers (church leaders) do not exist for us but rather our ministry exists for our customers (church leaders). Don’t misinterpret my point. I understand that we exist to serve the Lord and that our focus is to personally seek to reduce lostness but the way we do that is by serving churches. More specifically by serving the people (leaders) who make up the churches. If you are a leader in a church or even a leader in the business world, the same principle applies.

I recall a summer camp trip some years ago with several bus-loads of teens and hungry adults as we stopped at a Mc——-s for breakfast and restroom breaks. As you are probably aware, Mc——-s has sold several billion units of their primary product. As I exit the bus I am envisioning employees who are thinking; “Alright! Lots of customers! That is what makes us so successful. What an opportunity and what a blessing that they stopped here instead of at a competitor’s restaurant!” Nothing could have been further from the truth. You would have thought we came in to commit a robbery. The employees were visibly irritated that the volume of work suddenly increased. They were more focused on the inconvenience (having to buckle down) of the next ninety minutes than the fact that more customers are good for their future prospects. Especially if they provide good service and good food.

I recently took my wife’s car to get a faulty blinker replaced. I felt like they practically dropped everything to help me and within about twenty minutes my car was ready. I did not have an appointment. “How much do I owe you?” I asked. “Not a thing” he responded with a smile.  “Just come on back next time you need service.” Well, you can bet that I will! [A shout out to Watkins Tire and Auto in Hamilton Mill.]

When a person goes to work they should never be surprised when they have to actually….work. I love our country as I know that you do. But you are well aware of the entitlement mentality that prevails in our modern culture. Outstanding organizations are purposeful in creating a culture with a strong work ethic with a focus on the mission more than on personal entitlements. The work is done with diligence, with enthusiasm, with balance (proper rest & family are not sacrificed), and with attention to the mission. Work in the economy of God is not an inconvenience, but a blessing. Let’s get to work!

Adapted from Chapter Twenty-Two of John G. Millers, Outstanding: 47 Ways to Make Your Organization Exceptional …

What compels people to choose your business or organization over others?Read More »

Please take eight minutes to invest in your leadership as you listen in as I provide equipping for the staff I lead. In this webinar I delivered to my staff, you will hear the portion where I share what I have observed over the years to be the key qualities of spiritual leaders. Enjoy!

A couple of months ago I posted an article on ways that Grandparents can help their grandchildren connect to church beyond their childhood years and into their adult lives. While, admittedly, the parents carry the greatest weight of responsibility and influence, Christian grandparents possess a deep and natural concern for the spiritual progress, as well as the eternal destiny of the grandkids. The issue is certainly addressed much easier when the parents of the grandchildren are fully engaged in the life of the church. When Tom Crites and I conducted our research and wrote about it in our book, Why They Stay, we laid out the fifteen major issues that affect the likelihood that children would stay connected to church as adults. Grandparents were not among those fifteen issues. But, that does not mean that they cannot or should not strive to make a difference. In my previous article I shared ideas particularly applicable for those whose grandchildren had parents who were not raising them in church. The four points were:

1. Revitalize your relationship with your adult children (so there are no barriers to your influence).
2. Do what you must to get your grandchildren to Jesus.
3. Share the tools (of how to keep children connected) with your adult children.
4. Be a model of faith and a cheerleader for the faith development of your grandchildren.

I have a grandson who has parents very actively engaged in the life of the church. Let me share three additional points that apply in this more positive circumstance.

1. Model a healthy marriage to your adult children. My wife and I recently celebrated 35 years of marriage. I am blessed to say that I am happily married. One of many keys is that I became a student of healthy marriages long ago. A healthy marriage is not only more enjoyable for my wife and I, but it also has a spiritual effect on our children.  I want them to know that in spite of current cultural trends that long, life-time, happy marriages are possible. It takes work, a forgiving spirit, flexibility, patience, and unconditional love, among other things, but it can be accomplished. Why does this matter? It matters because if my adult children have healthy marriages, the likelihood of my grandchildren coming to faith and connecting to church for life is greatly increased.
2. I am determined that my wife and I will never be the source of conflict in my children’s marriages. Did you know that one of the four leading causes of marital conflict is “in-laws.” I have several in-law jokes in my humor repertoire but this is no laughing matter. I hope my married children never have any really serious marital problems, but if they do, I am determined that it will not be me. Don’t be the source of the conflict! Your children were to “leave and cleave.” Give them the appropriate amount of space.
3. I am investing tangibly in the marriages of my adult children. God put something on my heart as I continued to work through what I learned that keeps kids connected to church for life. If it is indeed true that strong marriages greatly increase the likelihood of lifetime church commitment then I need to invest in my children’s marriage. I will not say the amount because we all have varying levels of resources at our disposal. But take note of what my wife and I have done. I explained to my two married daughters that we have set aside money in a fund that is available to them for any of the following:

• It may be used to attend a couples or marriage enrichment retreat.
• It may be used to by a book or any resource that will educate them about a stronger marriage.
• It may be used, without any judgment from me, for marriage counseling.

The message communicated to my adult children is as important as the amount of money. I am there to encourage their marriages to grow and be strong.

Because, if and when it is, it makes a difference to my grandchildren. And in case you didn’t know it, my grands are the best!