Relationships

We know that the number one reason a person visits your church because they were invited by a friend or a relative. But will they come back? Their return for a second visit is for a totally different reason. Do you know what it is? How do you communicate to your members how to receive and treat guests? Did you know that the scripture gives insight to this important issue? I invite you to join me as I preached on this subject on Father’s Day a couple of years ago. The subject is as timely today and I believe you will be both challenged and encouraged. Enjoy! https://vimeo.com/302921816

Check that. I mis-spoke. But hopefully the title got your attention. What I meant to say is “why you should absolutely take all of your vacation time without fail.” Throughout my ministry I have encountered leaders who bemoaned the fact toward the end of the calendar year that they did not use all of their vacation days. When this is done it is often shrouded in a subtle suggestion that they have worked so hard that they did not have time to take all of their vacation days. But that is not the way that I hear them when they make this statement either as a complaint or a boast. I look at the person, I smile, and in my mind I’m thinking “I’m so sorry you are mismanaging your time.” If someone did not take the time allotted to them it is because they struggle with prioritizing, personal time management, or both.

My intent is not to offend you if you have made this statement yourself but to challenge you to think differently. Here are three reasons you should take all of the vacation time that has been allotted to you.

First is because your vacation time does not solely belong to you. What? Your vacation time also belongs to your spouse. It belongs to your family. Failure to take time away means that you are withholding time from them. You may counter that you don’t enjoy time with your family. That is a totally different issue but it actually reinforces the point. Take the time and whatever steps are needed to repair or improve on relationships with your spouse, children, grandchildren, or parents. Give your family your time. That is the most valuable gift of all. Give it without apology and give it without fail.

Second, time away refreshes and recharges you so that you can be more productive when you are back at work. It may be that you own a business or you are the person “in charge” and you fear that everything will fall apart if you are away. Once again this reveals a gap in your leadership. Suppose you don’t take time off so that you can always have your hands in the day to day operations or ministry. But what happens the day you fall ill or are involved in an unexpected accident and you are compelled to be away for days or months? At least on vacation you are available to consult to some degree though you are away. Being away allows others to step up, allows you to think about things that will improve your work, and makes you more appreciative of your work if you are blessed to be engaged with work that you love. If you don’t enjoy your work, again, that is a different issue and this exhortation is probably not applicable for you anyway.

Third, a healthy life is a balanced life. It is not acceptable to be lazy and I don’t imagine you tolerate laziness for those who work around you. However, it is equally egregious to be so captivated by your work that you can’t get away for a few days. Those people are known as “workaholics.” You can take cruise, head to the mountains, take a staycation with time off at home, take a missions trip,  or a week of sabbatical. Your time away may be to relax, travel, serve, or even work on those unfinished tasks around your home. Are you balanced? Do you work hard? You should. But a balanced person enjoys family time, play time, relax time, serve time and work is a joy when all is in balance.

I am in the midst of a heavy week at work  and I’m “busting it” to get the job done. But I’ve got to wrap this up because I’m off on Monday through Wednesday next week. I have had the day’s marked off for several months and they are locked in to my calendar. I’m looking forward to it and by Wednesday I’ll be anxious to get back to my work!

A few quick notes and facts to set up the point of this post. First, a High School grad who is still in church six months from now, is 138% more likely to still be in church at age 35 if they are still actively engaged as of next Thanksgiving. This is a critical six month window we are now entering. Secondly, few churches have a plan to help grads with the transition. What is the plan for your church? Thirdly, most post HS grads have never had to find a church and don’t know what to do. 

Therefore, I am giving my list that I use to mentor High School grads on how to find a church if and when they move away from home. Take my list, edit it, improve on it, but most of all, spend time with your High School juniors and seniors preparing them to find a church once they move away. Here is my list…

How to find a new church once you move away…

1. Be committed to worship every Sunday. That does not mean you never miss but if you don’t commit it is very easy to begin to drift away.
2. Go with friends if you can…but don’t base your commitment to worship on who will be there or who will attend with you. Go to worship with or without your friends.
3. When you visit, try to arrive a few minutes early and don’t rush out when the service is over. Give people a chance to interact with you. Remember that interaction is a two way street. You be friendly too (even when you are visiting).
4. You may not find a church like your home church. There is only one (insert name of your church here). Find a doctrinally sound, Bible teaching church.
5. Get recommendations from your current church leaders or other pastors you respect to determine potential churches to visit.
6. Visit a church more than once to really see what it is like. A church that you are not impressed with on a first visit may grow on you after several visits.
7. Do you consider yourself spiritually mature? If so, stop looking for a “good church.” Instead, you might consider purposefully attending a struggling church to help them out instead of a popular church.
8. Find out what the church believes about the Bible. That is a key. 
9. If you will permanently be living in a new community, join a church in that community. If you are there just temporarily, ask church leaders about “watch care” which is a version of membership for temporary residents.
10. If you find a friendly, Bible-teaching church with great music and great preaching…that is great. But are you committed if you cannot find that? You should be if your priorities are in place.
11. Get involved in a small group once you determine the church that you will join or attend regularly.
12. When you are back home for breaks or holidays continue to be faithful to your home church.
13. Sincerely pray throughout the process and genuinely seek a place to worship faithfully. Give yourself six or eight weeks (maximum) to visit around and then get locked in so that you can worship, get to be part of the local church community, and begin to serve on some level.

Did you know that the most critical six month window in the life of a teen who grows up in your  church are the six months following High School graduation? That means between now and Thanksgiving you will be doing your most important ministry with those students. Unfortunately, many churches approach graduation as if the work is done in terms of discipleship of teens. Nothing could be further from the truth. The next six months are the most critical. Here are some questions your church should be addressing?

1. How will we recognize our graduates this month? That is the obvious one that most churches already take care of.
2. When will we meet with Juniors and Seniors to orient them for the transition to post High School life?
3. How will we equip our students (who will move away) to find a church?
4. How will we follow up with our students who are away at college/military/new job to keep them accountable?
5. What will we provide for our students who do not move away, those home for summer and weekends, and those living in our community who are not current members?
6. How will we help those who move away to find a new church?

Why does this matter? A High School graduate from your church who is still actively involved in church next Thanksgiving is 138% more likely to still be in church at age 35 and beyond than one who disconnects in the next six months. (From the research in Why They Stay). The responsibility for these members of your congregation is far from over. Gather with key leaders to address these questions for this year and from this point forward. I also encourage you to view this message I shared a couple of years back about “Why Young Adults are Walking Away.” It will give you more insight to keep those who grow up in your church connected for life.  https://vimeo.com/302910635

Let me ask you a question.
Do you want your children, grandchildren, those kids and teens who are in your church not only come to faith in Jesus but to be faithfully serving Him in the local church when they are 25, 35, 45 years of age and beyond?
Let me invite you to listen in on this 40 minute webinar I recently produced looking at this issue with a specific eye toward implications for children’s ministry leaders.
You can discover more information at www.steveparr.net.
For those unacquainted, I conducted a major research project in recent years to discover what keeps kids connected to church for a lifetime.
Watch this webinar and visit my website to discover more.
You will be glad you did! https://youtu.be/nR0WjfIUonI

It was just over one year ago when the pandemic became such a serious concern that businesses, schools, and churches closed down in-person experiences. At worst people were operating from fear and at best from an abundance of caution. I don’t judge anyone regarding decision making given the unprecedented circumstances in which leaders found themselves. Maybe you were like me in thinking that the pandemic would all soon pass. I certainly learned that I am no prophet given that I kept expecting the next couple of months to be the turnaround. I thought that all year long.

I do honestly think that with one year of accumulated knowledge, better understanding of protocols, accessibility to vaccines, and evolving therapeutics, we are finally seeing light at the end of the tunnel. Lifeway research reported in February 2021 that 76% of churches now provide in-person worship with about 36% of small groups now meeting in-person plus an additional 25% meeting online. Most churches that meet in person are currently averaging between 50%-70% of their pre-Covid in person attendance. Is it time to get your groups back on track? It is and it will not happen overnight so let’s consider what needs to happen next whether you are already regathering in person or not.

1. Plan a soft launch and a hard launch for your Bible Study groups. Let’s work in reverse. Begin now planning for a major (hard) relaunch of your groups when school starts back in August. I’m not suggesting that you should wait until then. I am suggesting that the August timeframe should be a major emphasis. I call the start of school every year the “Baptist New Year.” It is the season when we enlist and train new leaders, launch new groups, re-enlist and enroll people into groups, and move kids and teens to new groups when applicable. Begin working now with the assumption that you will be fully back in August and you can adjust otherwise if you are not. You may have already had a soft relaunch where you are struggling to get your groups back together. If you have struggled do not be concerned. You are in the same boat with everyone else. If you have not yet re-opened your groups to in-person experiences, now is the time. With a soft launch you may limit the number of groups, have fewer groups, and not sweat over attendance at this point understanding people are still in “caution” mode. In summary, start or continue a soft launch now and plan for a hard (full) relaunch in August.
2. Organize based on who you want to reach rather than who is attending. Growth is prompted more by expansion than contraction. In other words, adding a new group or groups can be an impetus for growth. I am for that. However, in this environment and in the initial stages of the relaunch, you will likely have fewer groups than you did pre-Covid. If you only have four students attending there is no point in having three groups at this point. Relaunch with one group with the expectation that you will expand again in the future. But just as importantly, you must have groups for “all life stages.” You may think you need no preschool groups if you have no preschool kids. You never will unless you have a preschool group in place. Do you want to reach preschoolers and parents of preschoolers? Make sure you have a group for those you want to reach rather simply for those who attend and apply this strategy across the board. The first thing any group needs is a leader, not an attender.
3. Now is the perfect time to totally reorient your groups.
   Getting groups to change rooms/locations, getting groups to launch new groups (“Don’t split our class!”), and getting groups to do outreach has always been an uphill climb. Many leaders have always wished they could just start over and orient everything appropriately. Guess what? Now you can. Don’t organize based on the past but based on the future of what it will take to lead your groups to advance.

4. Don’t neglect the one tangible principle that leads groups to thrive. What is that one thing? It is biblically found in Ephesians 4:11-16 and specifically in verse 12. The result found in verse 15 is that it “causes the growth of the body.” The biblical practice found in verse 12 is the “equipping of the saints for the work of ministry.” Yes it takes prayer and growth is undoubtedly a work of God. But do not ignore this biblical concept that was written under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, not as an idea, but as a tangible expectation. In addition, the concept can actually be quantified. Churches that provide “training systems” for their (Bible Study) leaders clearly experience more growth, that is people coming to faith and moving through the discipleship process, than churches that do not provide training. Admittedly training has changed. You will likely not have success with “weekly workers meetings” or 5:00pm Sunday Night teacher training. But Covid may have given you a gift in this regard. Training is possible and available practically 24/7 because of technology and your leaders have now grown accustomed to it. What is the system you should use? The possibilities are numerous and the only one which will undoubtedly lead to failure is the one that does not exist. Grow your leaders and they will help to grow your groups.

Welcome back! For the last year, my website steveparr.net has remained dormant as I have focused on my new responsibilities in leading the Gwinnett Metro Baptist Network. Today literally marks one year since I started the new ministry. Although I started, literally, on the heels of the pandemic, I have loved this opportunity to minister alongside these churches and pastors. For those who are unacquainted, the Gwinnett Metro Baptist Network is Georgia’s largest association of churches at 140 strong. The pastors are great and you can learn more about the Network at www.gwinnettmetro.net.

Now that I have settled in, my intent is to post two articles each month where I will continue to focus on leadership development and church issues. I trust that if you follow along you will be a stronger leader. You can find over 100 articles already posted on the site and while books cost money, these articles are free. These are great both for your leadership development and to assist you in equipping others. And….speaking of relaunching: Churches have not only reopened for in person worship (an overwhelming majority have), but there are signs that the pandemic is receding and we may be seeing some light at the end of the tunnel.

That is not to suggest that the pandemic is over or that COVID will be eradicated. However, vaccines, herd immunity, therapeutics, and one year’s worth of knowledge is making our ability to live with COVID manageable. I am seeing church attendance slowly increase. With that in mind, I want to share a message I preached a couple of years ago called “Membership Matters.” It is very apropos as we consider the theological foundation of in-person worship gatherings. On-line delivery of worship will continue on and be stronger than before. But, should a person attend “in-person” if they are capable? Allow this message to speak to you about this issue. I am sharing it as both a model on how to preach on this issue and as an apologetic for those who are able to gather in person whenever and wherever possible with understanding and due respect to the decision of individuals to attend to personal health and safety during the pandemic. Here is the  message. Enjoy! https://vimeo.com/303064401

There are no problems we cannot solve together, and very few that we can solve by ourselves.
– Lyndon Johnson

I have been a student of leadership for decades, and one of my personal missions in life is to develop and equip as many leaders as possible. The word “leader” itself implies an individual, and I truly do desire to help you become a better leader as I continue to grow myself.

However, if you do not have a team to lead then you are not actually a leader. The leader is an individual but he or she stands at the hub of an organization, a team, a community, a business, a church, or some group. The aim of the leader is to move that collection of individuals in a purposeful direction providing inspiration, support, vision, training, problem-solving, and of course “leadership.” While you stand out front you cannot accomplish what needs to be done by yourself.

While you stand out front you cannot accomplish what needs to be done by yourself.

Gene Wilkes reminds leaders of five reasons teams are superior to individuals when it comes to accomplishing a mission or task.

1. Teams involve more people affording more resources, ideas, and energy than would an individual.
2. Teams minimize the weaknesses of any individual.
3. Teams provide expanded perspectives that individual insight can rarely capture.
4. Teams share credit for victory and blame for losses resulting in a stronger community and a greater capacity to overcome failures.
5. Teams provide higher levels of accountability.

I will add a sixth:

6. Teams multiply time, availability, intelligence, and creativity exponentially beyond the capability of any individual.

Does the Bible ever speak to a principle such as this? Consider Ephesians 4:11-16 with my commentary in italics.
11 And He personally gave some to be apostles, some prophets, some evangelists, some pastors and teachers,
Jesus placed leaders in the church.
12 for the training of the saints in the work of ministry, to build up the body of Christ,
Jesus placed members of the body with intent they would work together to fulfill the purpose of the church.
13 until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of God’s Son, growing into a mature man with a stature measured by Christ’s fullness.
Striving for unity in the faith is a never-ending task. We know what mature leadership looks like by Jesus’ example.
14 Then we will no longer be little children, tossed by the waves and blown around by every wind of teaching, by human cunning with cleverness in the techniques of deceit.
Failure results in immature members who grow vulnerable to all kinds of attacks weakening the church.
15 But speaking the truth in love, let us grow in every way into Him who is the head—Christ.
Love without truth results in liberalism while truth without love results in legalism. “Every way” includes your own leadership skills.
16 From Him the whole body, fitted and knit together by every supporting ligament, promotes the growth of the body for building up itself in love by the proper working of each individual part.
You are not to do the work alone. The more members you bring into the process of leadership the stronger you will be; it takes a team.

Effective leadership absolutely requires your personal development and strength.

Effective leadership absolutely requires your personal development and strength. But when it comes to big decisions, strategic planning, and moving your mission forward, be certain to tap into the gifts and talents of a team. Applying these principles in your church or organization will make you stronger. That will help you to maximize your leadership.

Five generations.

That is how many distinct generations are living in North America today. If you travel back to previous centuries, you would find three generations providing leadership at any given time. However, with the advance in technology, the speed of change, and longer lifespans, you are now living among five generations.

• The Greatest Generation (those who fought and won WW II) represented by those 74 and over.
• Baby Boomers represented by those age 55-73.
• Generation X represented by those age 39-54.
• The Millennials represented by those age 25-38.
• Generation Z represented by those age 9-24.

Brad Szollose is the author of a book called “Liquid Leadership: Multi-Generational Ideas That Are Changing the Way We Run Things.” It is a worthy read, and he shares seven laws to follow if you desire to be effective at leading cross-generationally.

These are his seven laws of being a Liquid Leader.

1. A Liquid Leader places people first. This is great wisdom for ministering cross-generationally and cross-culturally as well. Trust is built through relationships, and relationships flourish when the leader puts people first.
2. A Liquid Leader cultivates an environment where it is free and safe to tell the truth. Authenticity is more than a buzz word. No generations like things that are fake, least of all fake leaders.
3. A Liquid Leader nurtures a creative culture. A willingness to pilot, try new things, experiment, and exercise creativity – while being sensitive to long established traditions and organizational culture – is important. Creativity is essential in order to bring generations of differing values and priorities together.
4. A Liquid Leader supports the reinvention of the organization. The cross-generational leader understands that change will be necessary in a rapidly changing world. He or she not only embraces change but leads the way with incremental forward progress. “Incremental” implies always moving forward but at a pace that does not overly frustrate long-tenured members or staff.
5. A Liquid Leader leads by example. Here’s another example, no pun intended, of a quality embraced by all generations. Lead the way with actions as well as words. Inspiration is important but will not occur if the leader is not living it.
6. A Liquid Leader takes responsibility. That is what makes one a leader. It is not up to someone else to show the way or to get the job done. A leader takes ownership – whether at the head of the organization or from within – and makes things happen.
7. A Liquid Leader leaves a legacy. This will happen if the first six laws are integrated into one’s leadership. The impact will be both immediate and long lasting.

Szollose has written an entire book illustrating and instructing based on those seven laws, and I recommend the book to you. However, there is wisdom in simply viewing the list and assessing your own leadership based on what you see.

The Psalmist reminds leaders of the legacy they should desire for the generations that follow.

“God, You have taught me from my youth,
and I still proclaim Your wonderful works.
Even when I am old and gray,
God, do not abandon me.
Then I will proclaim Your power
to another generation,
Your strength to all who are to come.”

Psalm 71:17-18 (HCSB)

Today, more than ever, it is important that you develop leadership skills that help you to be effective cross-generationally. Consider his list, and self-assess yourself in order to maximize your leadership.