Relationships

A Carnegie Foundation study once showed that only 15 percent of success could be attributed to job knowledge and technical skills. Eighty-five percent of a person’s success is determined by what researchers called ability to deal with people and attitude. The concept holds whether you serve in business, ministry, education, or public service. It is true of male and female, old and young, educated and uneducated. You also need to be aware of its relevance whether you are extroverted or introverted. While you can afford to be timid as a child, you cannot use introversion as an excuse when you enter your adult life. You must understand yourself and to some degree learn to live beyond it.

Your ability to develop relationships, build relationships, and to get along with others can make or break you no matter what the endeavor. Here are some keys to building better relationships:

1. Be trustworthy. You cannot grow close to someone you cannot trust and it is difficult to trust those you are not close to.

2. Show genuine interest in the feelings, concerns, and dreams of others.

3. Take responsibility for improving the relationship. Be more concerned about owning your part than stressing over their part.

4. Understand that others bring not only “good” to the relationship, but also baggage from other relationships and experiences. They will have flaws just as you do.

5. Seek to inspire others to better living by modeling the qualities of genuine friendship.

6. Understand that you can “make their day” or “ruin their day” with your words and actions.

7. Be willing to speak the truth, hear the truth, discuss hard things, and to disagree without bailing out. This may sound like a contradiction with number six and if all you apply is number seven every day, the relationship will not last.

8. Always be looking to add a new friend to your network.

9. Be friendly. It is free and it is powerful. Don’t be “over the top” about it. That is costly and makes people want to avoid you.

10. Learn what is most important to them and share what is most important to you.

I will add one more note as a follower of Jesus. Anyone can apply these principles to build better relationships. My motivation runs deeper still. I desire to be “salt” and “light” sharing what I believe to be the most important message of all. Forgiveness. Redemption. Salvation. Hope. I’m still seeking to build better relationships. I hope you are too, because that will maximize your leadership!

Portions adapted from chapter nine of Monday Morning Choices by David Cottrell.

Leaders, more often than not, have responsibility for a team. That team may consist of a small group, a department, or an entire organization. The leader’s task is to develop, train, build, inspire, and lead the team to achieve the objectives and move toward fulfillment of the vision of the organization. That requires oversight, management, and keeping the team members or employees accountable. Those who stand out can be rewarded or given advancement. Those who fall short can be coached up or in the most extreme circumstances released from the team. The knowledge that accountability is expected can serve as a motivational device in and of itself.

Reverse accountability can likewise serve to inspire team members. What is reverse accountability? One thing that I have always done with teams that I lead is to communicate that they can ask me, at any time, the status of anything I have ever said, stated, communicated, or promised. When leading teams in regular staff meetings I have often added to the agenda a “what about” section. This part of the staff meeting allows team members to hold me accountable for anything I ever said we would or should do as a team, or that I would do as the team leader. They can ask me as an agenda item in a staff meeting or during the normal course of our work. I owe an explanation if something did not get done. It could be that a change took place which affected the ability to see it through, that it is in process and I need to give the team an update on the status, that I could not deliver as expected and did not clearly communicate the reason, or that progress has been delayed. Fewer things are more frustrating to a team member than a leader who often says things and fails to follow through. The lack of action erodes trust, causes frustration, and hinders progress.

Reverse accountability gives the leader increased credibility because thru-put occurs and when action is delayed or plans are changed, the team has full awareness of the underlying reasons. Are you accountable to those you lead? Have you communicated and encouraged the method(s) of accountability? Can your team members speak honestly to you without fear of retribution when they give sincere and honest feedback? If you can pull that off, and you should certainly be trying, you are destined to maximize your leadership.

My good friend and mentor, Dr. Thom Rainer, recently wrote an excellent article entitled Before You Fire Your Pastor. You can find that article here: http://thomrainer.com/2017/08/before-you-fire-your-pastor/
You are likely aware of the research that Dr. Tom Crites and I conducted on what keeps your kids connected to a church into their adult lives. We discovered some issues that overlap with Dr. Rainer’s wisdom that you can find in the book Why They Stay.

It may be that your church is in an avoidable circumstance and that the firing of the pastor is necessary and imminent. You would do well not only to consider if the termination is critically necessary, but also the way you go about it when you take the additional pains to measure the effect on the teens and children in your church. Here are some lessons we learned from our research that should inform your church’s decision and the process:

1. Those who grow up in church and stay as adults are almost twice as likely to be there if they “loved their pastor when they were growing up.” Two issues come to mind as we integrate these subjects. First, if children sincerely love their pastor and he is released without good cause, in their mind, how will it impact their view of the church in the future? Second, if the pastor did make an egregious error that deserves termination and it undermines the respect that the children in the church have for the pastor, how does that affect their view of pastor’s in the future? Bear in mind that a child’s experience with “a pastor” greatly influences their view of “pastors” as they move forward.

2. The more pastors a child has growing up, the more likely they are to be out of church as an adult. The reference here is to senior pastors and not staff members. Our research found no correlation between having one or two (senior) pastors while growing up and the likelihood that that stayed or strayed from church. However, the research indicated that the more pastors one had while growing up (three or more) the more likely they were to be out of church as adults. That indicates a good reason to treat pastors well, coach them up when mistakes are made if they are not issues related to severe moral failure, to stay planted in one church as you raise your children if possible, and to vet pastors well on the front end of the process.

3. The number one self-described reason for dropping out by those who grew up in church was “I had a bad church experience.” I believe we can agree that even when a pastor deserves to be terminated that it causes pain, disillusionment, and likely some turmoil. When you add the uncertainties of adolescence or the lack of perspective of childhood to the equation, the spiritual damage can cut deeply and stifle the spiritual advancement of kids who grow up in church.

For the sake of the kids who grow up in your church:

1. Love your pastor and treat him well.

2. Deal with problems, difficulties, and disagreements head on but as privately as possible.
3. Be cautious of the way you refer to your pastor or pastors in general in front of your children. When you undermine them verbally you may be inadvertently undermining the faith of your children. Please note that I am not suggesting that pastors are above criticism or that issues should not be confronted. However, adult conversations and actions belong in the adult realm. Be cautious with the kids.

4. When and if the termination is unavoidable, think about process, healing, grace, and context as well as the actual immediate action.

Help your children learn to love pastors, to love their pastor, and they are much more likely to be serving Christ into their adult lives. I hope you will check out Why They Stay to learn a whole lot more about what keeps kids connected to a church. If you do, it will help you to maximize your leadership!

I am currently leading an effort among Georgia churches to turn everyone’s attention to focus on reaching the next generation. Why is this so important? Did you know that fewer teens are coming to faith than in previous generations? Did you know that the average number of teens baptized in a Georgia church was only one last year? Did you know that the evangelical church just crossed a threshold where more High School grads are walking away from church than staying engaged? I am not a pessimist but I am a realist. What does this mean for the future of the North American Church?

Christianity is growing worldwide and is still the largest religion in the world. However, North America is one of the places where it has actually begun eroding in the past decade. What is it like in your church? I want to take you on a journey over the next six weeks to consider how a church might be more effective at reaching teens and children. It is an initiative of the Georgia Baptist Mission Board called #reachingnextgen. Take 90 seconds to view this video as I introduce the strategy and you can get more information at www.reachingnextgen.com. Here is the first in a six week series to help you maximize your leadership.

 

Where do you begin? What would you say the average age of those who attended your worship service Sunday would have been? You would do well to have all present, members included, fill out a guest registration card with one simple piece of information on Sunday. Ask them to simply write their actual age. No names needed for this exercise. Don’t forget to survey those in the children’s and preschool areas if they are not in the service. How do the age demographics of your church compare to the age demographics of your community?

I have been in churches where the average age was well over fifty. Does your church have a growing number of teens? Children? Young Adults? If not, then you are not engaged in reaching the next generation. Psalm 71:18 provides every generation with this challenge;

Now also when I am old and gray headed,

O God, do not forsake me,

Until I declare Your strength to this generation,

Your power to everyone who is to come.

While this week’s video is just over two minutes long, it serves as the critical starting point, no matter when a church begins to consider engagement. Two immediate challenges are included and while the first point is simple, it is crucial. You can view all of the videos at www.reachingnextgen.com. Here is the second in a six week series to help you maximize your leadership.

How can you get an entire congregation focused on reaching the next generation? Our journey continues as I submit to you video number four (4) of six (6) which addresses the third phase of a church strategy and gets the entire congregation involved. It has been piloted in several churches and here are samples of what pastors had to say.

Since we started this on the second Sunday in June, we have not experienced a summer slump in our children’s and youth attendance for more than a week.  Le G.

Very visual! Great way to keep the needs and opportunities before the people!  Fred L.

Thank you for helping us to open up our eyes and our hearts with more focus on those under the age of 19 in our church.  Larry E.

Each Sunday was uniquely special, but this past Sunday with me simply giving an analysis of where we are currently and a challenge for where we need to be was incredible.  The altar filled with people coming forward to pray and to commit to an anything-necessary kind of strategy. Tim J.

Watch this four-and-a-half-minute video to learn a simple strategy called Seven Sunday’s of Focus. I challenge you to do this in your church. Be sure your congregation leaders watch this video. You can view all the videos at www.reachingnextgen.com. Thanks for reaching out to the next generation. Here you go…

The official launch of u2019 will begin at the annual meeting of the Georgia Baptist Convention in November. u2019 is all about leaders of churches choosing to reach the next generation. You will begin to frequently see videos, hear challenges, receive instruction, and be encouraged with the focus on #reachingnextgen.

 

The official launch is in November. The vision was cast months ago. The time to begin is now. Watch this four minute video and familiarize yourself with www.reachingnextgen.com to get information, resources, and inspiration as your faith community joins the effort in #reachingnextgen.

 

“So if You are going to deal thus with me, please kill me at once….” (Num. 11:15 )

Do you know who made that statement? He was one of the most outstanding leaders who took on one of the most daunting tasks in all of history. Those are the words of Moses expressing how he felt just a few months after leading a nation of people out of bondage following generations of enslavement. While it is not a happy request it expresses how Moses actually felt after the continuous barrage of constant complaints by those he led. The same man who stood face to face with Pharoah, performed miracles by God’s mighty hand, and led a nation to freedom, was so fed up that death was beginning to look like a credible alternative. He was in essence stating; “I don’t know if I can take this anymore!”

Perhaps you have a thick skin and you are not bothered by the complaints of those who follow you. But it can wear a leader down if he or she does not have a good understanding of leadership dynamics, including both the blessings and the downside of being the person out front. Criticism can zap your energy and cause loss of focus. It can also make you stronger if you can receive it in the correct context.

You may not be “pre-wired” to ignore criticism. But you can learn to deal with it and hopefully be made better by it. Here are some things I once read from Reggie McNeal as he sought to help leaders learn how to face criticism. He said…

1. Expect an “entrance exam.” Early on, every leader receives an “invitation” to opt for something easier. Jesus faced it in the wilderness. Let your choice, like His, reaffirm God’s calling. Leadership is not easy and if it were, then everyone would step up. They don’t but you should.
2. Don’t expect “romance.” The quicker you drop unrealistic expectations, the better. Don’t look for a “pass” when it comes to being mistreated. It’s a normal part of your job as a leader.
3. Look past it. Runners do it; dieters do it. You can look past pain if you know it’s getting you closer to a worthy goal/vision.
4. Weigh (don’t count) your critics. A critic from the fringe means far less than a critic from the core.
5. Sift out the real issue. It’s not always about you, even when you’re on the receiving end of it. Good leaders (like good parents) know some reactions are just adolescent disappointment, lack of understanding, or immaturity.

 Good words of wisdom for those who desire to maximize their leadership.

 

 

July 10, 2017 – The Main Reason You May Feel Burned Out

Dear fellow leaders and workers;

I am approaching twenty years of service at the Georgia Baptist Mission Board in a few months and preceded that with fourteen plus years in a local church. I am somewhat familiar with long tenure. As I approach the milestone of twenty years, I am having a conversation with myself. I do not want to be that person that hangs on so long that people are whispering and wondering “when will he step out of the way?” I want to lead effectively, make a positive impact, and leave at the right time whether it is a year from now or a decade from now. Therefore, I am refreshing myself with some thoughts on the upside and the downside of a long tenure.

If you have been at your place of service or leadership for more than a decade, you would do well to ponder alongside of me. If this is your first week on the job, the points can be likewise instructive. I want to share my top five thoughts on the upside of long tenure and then my top five on the downside with a very brief comment on each. Here we go:

UPSIDE

1. Deep relationships. Friendships grow strong when you work day in and day out with a group of team members over the course of many years.
2. Stability. You and your family stay rooted in a community and disruptions are minimized to some degree.
3. Ability to Mentor. You know where the landmines are. You have seen people fired, failed, and get in hot water. You know very well how to avoid those landmines and can help others avoid the same fate.
4. Benefits. In most organizations, benefits accumulate with longer tenure, whether it is salary, eligibility for additional time off, or special advantages that come with both tenure and sometimes advancement.
5. Satisfaction. Perhaps you are stuck. But more likely in the American economy you have stayed because you enjoy your work and get great satisfaction from what you do and who you work alongside.

DOWNSIDE

1. Unhealthy Repetition. If you are not careful, you will rely on yesterday’s victories for tomorrows battles. It is too easy to rely on what happened last time without taking a fresh look and improving the process for the next implementation whether it is budgeting, events, strategy, or annual obligations.
2. Skills Isolation. What if the role you have now disappeared? Have you developed skills that make you valuable in a variety of contexts or have you isolated your skill set?
3. Complacency. The longer you are in one location, the greater the temptation to “coast” instead of “innovate.” It takes no energy to “coast.”
4. Stunted Personal Growth. At the point you fail to grow, you forfeit your right to lead. If you are not careful you will mistake tenure for growth. They are not the same thing.
5. Arrogance. Arrogance in this instance occurs when you feel like the processes, standards and rules do not apply to you. Those are for the “rookies” and the other staff who don’t know how to get around them.

I am committing myself to avoid the downside of long tenure as I bust through the twenty-year mark. I am talking to myself and inviting you to listen in and I have no one else in mind. But I know how it goes when I write articles like this. “Is he talking about me?” No, but as the proverb goes, If the shoe fits, wear it! Because if you do, you are on the path to maximizing your leadership.

“There is no future in any job. The future lies in the person who holds the job.” – John Maxwell

Leadership exists on multiple levels. You can lead your family, lead your team, lead a small group, or lead people to go through a buffet line. Leading a larger group or organization calls for a higher level of skill, knowledge, and influence. Some can lead tens, some hundreds, and some thousands. What does it take to provide leadership on a macro level where you are not simply leading hundreds or thousands of people, but providing leadership for multiple teams, multiple organizations, or in the case of denominational work, hundreds and thousands of churches? The difference in helping a church advance and helping hundreds to advance requires different skill sets.

I have been blessed to observe some leaders who are very effective on the “macro” level over the past twenty years. Here are the qualities I find evident in the life of a MacroLeader.

Multi-Level Thinker- The ability to think big, plan big, strategize big, and to inspire leaders to move their group or organization forward.

An Intimate Relationship with God- If you fail at this point you cannot succeed. An intimate relationship with God is the only hope to lead a movement rather than an institution.

Communication Skills- The expectations are higher and the skills must be undergirded with passion.

Relationship Builder- This does not change at any level. It is about people and being personable and developing relationships increases effectiveness.

Overcomes Negativism- Instead of dozens you deal with hundreds… meaning you’re likely to encounter larger amounts of cynicism, negativism, and criticism. Don’t become a cynic yourself!

Long-Term Commitment- You can move a person forward today. Moving multiple groups, organizations, or churches forward can take years and the results are harder to measure. MacroLeaders are in for the long haul.

Experience in a Healthy Church- You cannot likely take people where you have not been yourself.

Ability to Manage Time- The demands pull from multiple directions. You must work hard without neglecting the priority of spiritual growth and healthy family life. You better have a system to manage your time or you will not be effective.

Does What He/She Teaches- No one cares what you did ten years ago. What are you doing now shows that you can be effective on any level. Be a practitioner or else you lose your credibility.

Evolving Expertise- You are viewed as an “expert.” You must stay up-to-date and that means you continue to read, attend seminars, take classes, and do everything possible to continually expand your knowledge base.

Responsiveness- A MacroLeader has a system that ensures calls are returned, emails/texts/letters receive a response, questions are answered, and concerns are addressed in a timely manner. While the resolution make take time, the response is quick. You can use these qualities to evaluate yourself on any level.

You may or may not be a MacroLeader but these qualities can help you grow your leadership no matter what level you lead from at this time. Which area is your weakest? Start there and you will be on the way to maximizing your leadership.