Results

Robert Kaplan states that “almost without exception, successful leaders go through significant periods of time in which they feel confused, discouraged, and unsure of themselves and their decisions.” They will not likely appear confused, discouraged, or unsure in front of their followers and they shouldn’t. The followers pick up on queues from the leader and they always need to see a confident and steady hand. However, the reality for the leader is responsibility, dealing with lots of problems, critical decision making, frequent second-guessing by others, criticism if bad decisions are made, and even criticism when good decisions are made. How do they overcome those periods of uncertainty?

First, they keep focusing on both the vision and priorities. They know what they are because they helped to craft them. If he or she owns a business, they may have established them unilaterally. If one leads from the middle, he or she can quote the vision and list the priorities without exception. Both the vision and the priorities keep everything moving in the right direction even when the fog of uncertainty seems to briefly confuse and distract.

Second, they manage their time well. This skill allows them to place their greatest energy on the things that make the greatest difference. Those who are more entrepreneurial and less administrative may enlist or employ someone to keep their time well ordered. That person could be a chief of staff (by any title), an executive assistant, a gifted secretary, or an associate. A mismatch between time spent and priorities will only add to discouragement, confusion, and lack of forward progress.

Third, they give and receive feedback. They surround themselves with people they trust who can push back, disagree, and play the “devil’s advocate.” The key is “trust.” Some people disagree and criticize to undermine the leader. That is called “insubordination” and is a fire-able offense. Other people disagree and critique even more adamantly but do so in order to strengthen both the leader and organization they serve. They will state their point, argue their case, seek to influence, but the leader knows that ultimately, they are loyal and will implement the decision that the executive or key leader has the right and responsibility to make. Less confusion and doubt abounds when trust is developed and honest feedback is received.

Fourth, they make sure everyone in the organization is aligned around a common vision and priorities. It is the responsibility of the leader to communicate them, evaluate based on them, and to align everyone around them. The larger the organization, church, or business, the more difficult this task will be. Groups inside the organization will always gravitate toward “silo-ing” in their departments or ministries. The effective leader keeps his or her foot on the accelerator and leads toward total alignment always.

Fifth is the most important in the world in which I live. For those who lead a church or Christian organization, prayer, time in God’s word, and the pursuit of Godly wisdom is paramount. For those in the secular world, I personally believe you would likewise benefit greatly. In any case, you will get confused, discouraged, and unsure at times. You are not alone. Hit the reset button and renew your focus on the most important things and you will be on the way to maximizing your leadership.

Some points adapted from chapter one of Robert Kaplan’s What to Ask The Person in The Mirror.

 

Last week I wrote the first of four posts introducing you to three of twelve books that have made me a better leader and give balance to my life and leadership. Go here to see the introduction if you missed that article. [Click Here] In addition to daily Bible reading, I am sharing a list of twelve books. Admittedly the list is not exhaustive, the books are not all literary classics, and the list is broadly alphabetical and not in priority order.

Do you desire to grow in your leadership? Do you want balance in your relationships as well as skill in your leadership? If so, the first three I recommended included Boundaries by Cloud, Developing the Leader Within You by Maxwell, and Developing the Leaders Around You by Maxwell. Here are numbers four through six:

4. The Five Dysfunctions of a Team: A Leadership Fable by Patrick Lencioni. The writer takes you on a fictional journey documenting the challenges of a new supervisor taking over leadership of a struggling group of employees. The book is secular, but the principles you will learn are applicable to any group, congregation, staff, or organization that aspires to function more effectively. It will be an enjoyable read, worth the time, and will improve your leadership ability if you absorb the lessons he teaches.
5. The Five Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts by Gary Chapman. What has this got to do with leadership? An effective leader has a healthy balance in life and no relationship affects that balance more than the connection with your spouse. This book will strengthen your marriage, but it does more. It is important for a leader to know what motivates and inspires people. This book will not only strengthen your marriage, but will help you to be a better parent, stronger in relationships, and more skilled at leading a staff, team, and/or organization.
6. His Needs Her Needs: Building an Affair Proof Marriage by William F. Harley Jr. So here is the second book of twelve on marriage that I submit will strengthen your leadership. It is a classic in my opinion and should be read by singles, engaged couples, and married couples alike. Leadership rides on the rail of strong relationships. Males and females have unique needs and the book addresses specifically how those apply to a marriage, but you can draw more general clues to the leadership of the opposite gender if you have the wisdom to make appropriate application. It is worth the read simply to strengthen your marriage or to prepare you for the possibility in the future if you are single or divorced.

That’s three more books that will maximize your leadership. I have six more to go. Don’t miss next week.

Last week I wrote the second of four posts introducing you to books four, five, and six of twelve that have made me a better leader and give balance to my life and leadership. Go here if you missed that article to get caught up. [Click Here] In addition to daily Bible reading, I am sharing a list of twelve books. Admittedly the list is not exhaustive, the books are not all literary classics, and the list is broadly alphabetical and not in priority order.

Do you desire to grow in your leadership? Do you want balance in your relationships as well as skill in your leadership? If so, here are books seven, eight, and nine:

7. How to Win Friends and Influence People: by Dale Carnegie. This book has been in print for over seventy years and is a timeless classic. For those who lean toward any degree of introversion, this book is a “must.” You cannot lead from introversion. You must grow out of it. You will benefit no matter your temperament. Developing healthy relationships can make you more effective cross-generationally, cross-culturally, and in any environment in which you aspire to inspire others.
8. John Adams: by David McCullough. I would guess that this may be the biggest surprise in my list. Why do I recommend it? McCullough does a masterful job of presenting accurate history as a drama. Here is a book where you can live the birth of the United States, while observing sacrifice, integrity, leadership, rivalry, relationships, love, loyalty, and faith. It is not a Christian book, but it is a great book for a Christian to read as well as anyone who aspires to greater leadership.
9. The Purpose Driven Life: by Rick Warren. This would perhaps be the first book I would recommend if I were to list a priority order. The most excellent leader understands that he or she is not only body, emotions, and possessor of skills, but that they have a soul that must be nurtured. Understanding this dynamic can propel your leadership beyond your natural abilities. I consider myself living proof of that fact. Read it for yourself and you will see.

That’s three more books that will maximize your leadership. I have three more to go. Don’t miss next week.

Last week I wrote the third of four posts introducing you to book seven, eight, and nine of twelve that have made me a better leader and give balance to my life and leadership. Go here if you missed that article to get caught up.  [Click Here] In addition to daily Bible reading, I am sharing a list of twelve books. Admittedly the list is not exhaustive, the books are not all literary classics, and the list is broadly alphabetical and not in priority order.

Although this will conclude my list of twelve books I will have more to share in a couple of weeks. Be watching for my list of books that can help propel your leadership forward to keep you effective in the future.

Do you want balance in your relationships as well as skill in your leadership? If so, here are books ten, eleven, and twelve:

10. The Strong-Willed Child: by James Dobson. The most important level of leadership you provide is in your home and perhaps the toughest is that to your own child that may be born with a temperament that has no intent on following the path you desire. The parent of a compliant child needs little to know instruction. The parent of a strong-willed child needs constant encouragement and intervention. What does this have to do with leadership? Anyone can lead those who are willing. The best leaders also inspire and influence those who are initially unwilling.
11. Total Money Makeover: by Dave Ramsey. This book in my estimation is the best Money Management 101 resource you will ever find. The principles do work and my personal finances are a living testimony to what Ramsey teaches. This book was required reading for my daughters upon college graduation. No matter your age or life stage, this book will make you stronger. You will never be able to lead others if you cannot manage your own life and your personal finances are a great test of your abilities. If you can’t manage your own life, why would I want you speaking into mine?
12. Why They Stay: by Steve R. Parr and Tom Crites. I stated transparently in the first of these four articles that I intended to include one of my own books. The research from this book profoundly impacted me personally and is touching lives everywhere. What is it that churches and parents can do to keep their children connected to the church into their adult lives? The book makes you a better parent, a better spouse, and yes, a better leader, particularly in your local church. Remember that my list is about “balance.” I unapologetically recommend it and here is why. As a leader, if I do not believe in what I do, then why should you? That last sentence is another subtle lesson in how to maximize your own leadership.

That’s three more books that will maximize your leadership. Stay tuned in a couple of weeks when I share a couple more that you need for future effectiveness.

There are two critical mistakes that parents make in the transference of faith to their children. The first is to impose faith in such a way that the child grows up with a false sense of assurance because they have never genuinely embraced faith in a personal way but rely on what their parents did or rituals their parent’s took them through. The second mistake is to have a mindset that “the child can decide for themselves about religion and faith” and to back away from clear guidance. Where is the balance? How can a parent lead in such a way that the child’s heart is open to personal faith in Jesus Christ without imposing or neglecting it?

About a month ago I shared a video called “The Driver of a Sticky Faith.” Today I want to invite you to view the second of eight videos that I am spreading out over the months where I personally address parents about helping their children develop a faith that grows throughout their lives. Whether you are a parent, grandparent, or an adult who loves teens and kids, this presentation will be of great value to you. Whoever you are and whatever you do, I can assure you that viewing this thirty minute video is another way to maximize your leadership! I hope you will share with others.

You can view more right now under the “why they stay” tab at www.steveparr.net.

“When you come to a fork in the road, take it!” That is one of many memorable quotes by the infamous Yogi Berra. Life will bring you to many forks in the road at which point you must decide whether to go to the left or bear to the right. Sometimes the decision is whether to continue or whether to quit. Whether at work or in a volunteer role such as service in a local church, the time for decision will ultimately confront you and you must determine whether or not to quit. Leaders understand that the way you choose to quit can be equally as important as the decision to quit. How do leaders quit?

First, leaders do not walk away without notice. They take responsibility for the transition and go to great pains to make sure bases are covered even after they are gone and have no further obligation or responsibility. Therefore, they never walk away without giving their leader, supervisor, or organization ample notice to cover all bases and to begin steps for transitioning to new leadership. I have known leaders to resign on the spot or to announce they are walking out the door and won’t be back. This approach is particularly difficult for the leader who has been mistreated or gone through a difficult experience. But when leaders take the fork in the road, they seek to take the high road on the way out.

Second, leaders do not mentally check out before they physically depart. Are you considering a job or ministry change? Is a church, organization, or recruiter conversing with you about the possibility of making a change? Is your resume out there as a sign that you are open to new opportunities? There is nothing wrong with contemplating other possibilities. No one stays in their position forever. However, if you are careless, weeks and months, if not years can go by with you minimizing your productivity and effectiveness because your eyes are on greener pastures. Here is the key. Always serve in your position with a twelve-month mindset. If you were to leave, your successor should have all they need to carry on for their first twelve months. That approach will have both the benefit of keeping you more focused and helping the person who comes behind you.

Third, leaders do not quit without honestly seeking to resolve personal disputes. People do disagree and there are always two sides to every story. Perhaps the circumstance is irreconcilable. However, for the spiritual leader, it will not be the result of lack of humility, lack of effort, or a genuine attempt to make things right even if he or she knows they will be moving on to other areas or places of service. The reconciliation may be attempted immediately or sometime later after a season to allow things to cool off. No one is served by holding a grudge and the spiritual leader seeks to “be at peace with all men.”

Fourth, leaders do not quit without a plan to serve elsewhere. I am not talking about retirement at this point. More specifically, I see this often happen with volunteers. For example, in the life of the church, I have seen Bible Study leaders quit with no new place to serve. To make matters worse, I have occasionally known some who dropped out of church altogether. Here is the problem. They undermine everything they have taught their followers about commitment and obedience while they were leading the Bible Studies. In reality, spiritual leaders never quit. They simply move from one opportunity to another but you never find them quitting with no new goal, challenge, or task in mind.

Whether at work or in a volunteer role, everyone will quit eventually, and most often with good reason. Don’t just think about whether to quit but how to quit. Be cautious not to undermine your influence and leadership by quitting the wrong way. Otherwise you will fail to maximize your leadership.

In recent weeks I took time to share twelve books that shaped my leadership and that I propose should be read by any aspiring leader. The books were broad in scope, not necessarily academic or known as classics, and were not exhaustive on what a leader should read. I want to take the exercise one step further. We live in a changing world with rapid advances in communication, technology, and culture. What you do today may not be sufficient to keep you effective in the future. Leaders cannot lead change unless they personally have a willingness to change themselves.

Allow me to share five books that can help you look ahead. Wayne Gretzky, one of the greatest hockey players of all time, stated that the key to his success was not his ability to “skate to where the puck is but to anticipate and skate to where the puck will be (paraphrased).” What a great thought for today’s leaders. Here are five books that can help you do just that.

1. Liquid Leadership: From Woodstock to Wikipedia — Multigenerational Management Ideas That Are Changing the Way We Run Things by Brad Szollose. How do you simultaneously lead those in their twenties and those in their sixties? To be effective, you must know how. The generations are so different in the thinking, values, and manner of work. This secular book is worth the read for any leader needing to sharpen their multi-generational leadership.
2. The Great Evangelical Recession: 6 Factors That Will Crash the American Church…and How to Prepare by John Dickerson. While the title sounds pessimistic the reality is that the church is in a struggle. What are the cultural factors that are feeding the erosion in North America? The book is sobering but one key to a turnaround is to be brutally honest about the current landscape and then to seek and implement Biblical solutions. The subject is the church, but any organizational leader can benefit from this important read.
3. Meet Generation Z: Understanding and Reaching the New Post-Christian World by James Emery White. You hear much about Gen X, have been trying to figure out the Millennials, and now guess what? A new generation of teens and young adults are emerging and they are different. Not different in a bad way or good way but definitely different. Your leadership will have to adapt or you will be viewed as irrelevant. What will be different? Read this book to find out.
4. iGen: Why Today’s Super-Connected Kids Are Growing Up Less Rebellious, More Tolerant, Less Happy–and Completely Unprepared for Adulthood–and What That Means for the Rest of Us by Jean Twenge. Do you remember a time without computers, iPhones, smart tablets, hundreds of channels on television? Younger adults have no idea what that is like. They think differently and one primary effect is their immersion in technology from their early toddler days. Do you want to be a better leader? First, seek to understand before you seek to be understood.
5. Systems-Sensitive Leadership: Empowering Diversity Without Polarizing the Church by Michael Armour. This book is a deeper dive but it is insightful and valuable. Between this book and Liquid Leadership, you will have a great secular and Christian look into generational distinctions with sound wisdom on how to adapt your leadership in order to maximize your effectiveness.

Like with my dozen books on balanced leadership in previous weeks, this list is not exhaustive but will take you much further down the road to greater understanding and influence. Leaders are readers and I hope you will tap into these resources as well as my book, Why They Stay to help you on this journey.

I just finished meeting with a great friend and leader to talk about ministry and leadership. We reflected on a leader we have in common who has impacted both of our lives. He is well known, well-respected, and has impacted hundreds of other leaders. We discussed how effective he has been but also acknowledged that he has stood on the shoulders of others. That is true of a successful or effective leader. They do not get to where they are on their own. You may never know the members of their team, but you can trust that many hours were spent with a team who made them better as he or she poured into them.

 

Effective leaders equip others in several ways. Like a rising tide lifts all ships, the elevation of the leadership skills of their team members lifts the entire organization including that of the key leader themselves.

 

1. They purposefully invest informal time in other leaders on their team. It may sound contradictory to be purposeful and informal. However, the cliché is true that some things are better caught than taught. While there may be no agenda, the gathering may be recreational or casual on its face, and the time may be either spontaneous or planned, the ideas exchanged, the conversations had, the problems discussed, the laughter shared, and the subtle lessons learned serve to equip and strengthen both the leader and the team member. Effective leaders understand and take advantage of this dynamic with individuals where appropriate and meet purposefully and frequently.

 

2. They encourage the personal growth of their team. Effective leaders will allow time away, sabbaticals, conference time, subscriptions, formal educational pursuits, and visits to other effective comparable organizations, even at a cost financially or at the expense of time from the ministry, business, or organization served. Why? Because effective leaders understand the principle of sowing and reaping. You do not lose when you allow team members’ freedom for such pursuits. You are investing by sacrificing time that technically belongs to you.

 

3. They bring in others to say what they have been saying. Effective leaders do not fear the exposure of their team to other effective leaders. They embrace it and leverage it to equip their team to be better. No one knows it all and sometimes the team needs to hear the message in a fresh way to help it sink in and take hold in their own lives and work.

 

4. They incorporate training into their structured gatherings. What are structured gatherings? It could be the weekly worship service in a church. It could be the weekly staff meeting in an organization. It could be the monthly business meeting. It is those gatherings that are necessary, calendared, and regular in occurrence. Ordinarily the structured gatherings are administrative in nature. However, the effective leaders take advantage of having key leaders together and pours a measure of leadership training into the staff, team, or meeting of the volunteers at every opportunity.

 

5. They plan leadership training opportunities for their team. This last item may be the most obvious, but you will find that it is often neglected. Whenever you build your leaders they build your organization. It is true of a business, a ministry, a church, or an organization of any size. Do you want to grow and/or strengthen it? If so, be purposeful in growing your leaders. An effective leader develops a plan to do so. What is your plan to grow the skills of your team? What is next?

 

If you neglect any of these you will limit the potential of whatever and whomever it is that you are called to lead. Equip your leaders formally and informally and you will be on the way to maximizing your leadership!

I was honored to share with you a video in January designed to help parents understand the key Driver of a Sticky Faith. I followed up in February with a second video that described The Power of First Steps. These videos are based on the research conducted by Tom Crites and I to discover what keeps kids connected to church into their adult lives and published in our book, Why They Stay.

March is now here and I want to invite you to view the third video in the series. In this thirty-minute video, I am speaking to parents about key issues related to how their style of discipline affects the faith development of their children. You will discover the Biblical roots as well as the research that supports the model that made the greatest difference. The session is entitled Balancing Bonding and Boundaries. Trust me when I tell you that you will be encouraged as a parent, better equipped to help your children as well as other parents and learn principles that can maximize your leadership. Here we go…

 

Everyone reads, but not everyone reads books. I have seen conflicting statistics about the number of people who read books and the number of books that are read. But this I believe from Mark Twain;

The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who can’t read them.

I listen regularly to Dave Ramsey and one thing he enjoys doing is interviewing millionaires to determine how they acquired their wealth. He notes that very few millionaires inherit their wealth. One common trait about self-made millionaires is that they are avid readers of non-fiction books. My comment here is not about money, but about the stewardship and leadership that propels one forward in their life. I read books and I want to share over the course of the next few weeks twelve books that have made me a better leader and give balance to my life and leadership.

I read from the Bible every day and credit that discipline with the most profound influence on my life. But that is not to suggest that other books have not shaped my leadership. Some of the works are specifically about leadership, others about marriage and parenting, and a couple may surprise you in their subject matter. [Full disclosure] I have admittedly included one of my own books because the research and writing had an extreme impact on my life and I am confident that it belongs on the list. A few notes about my list:

• These are not necessarily literary classics.
• These are not necessarily high level academic works.
• These are not all Christian works (for my ministry friends).
• These are not listed in priority order. They are broadly listed alphabetically.
• The list is not exhaustive. I could list 25, 50, or 100. I chose 12 for this exercise.
• I believer every leader and aspiring leader would do well to read all of these.

With that background, allow me to introduce you to the first three that I recommend.

1. Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No, to Take Control of Your Life by Henry Cloud. The subtitle clearly explains what the book is about and you will never excel in leadership without this essential skill. Leaders learn to prioritize and know when and how to say “no.” Do you?
2. Developing the Leader Within You by John Maxwell. This book is Leadership 101. It is a great synopsis of what Maxwell believes leadership is and how you can be a leader, which he defines as a person of influence. I discovered that I am a “learned leader” when I read this classic about 25 years ago. It propelled me forward as a leader and should be in any aspiring leader’s library.
3. Developing the Leaders Around You by John Maxwell. I guess you could call this Leadership 201. The title is descriptive as his second volume instructs and inspires you to become a leader of leaders instead of simply being a leader of followers. I personally believe that the primary task of a leader is to develop additional leaders. If so, whatever your task, mission, job, or assignment, you will progress more rapidly and be more effective. This book will help you do just that.

That’s three books that will maximize your leadership. I have nine more to go. Don’t miss next week.